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Don't Want RelationshipDear Free Agent,

One of your friends told me about you. They said you wouldn’t want to hear anything I had to share, because you aren’t interested in a serious relationship right now.

And that crushed me.

Don’t misunderstand. I’m not disappointed that you’re not crushing on anyone. To the contrary, good for you!

It’s likely for the best. You probably know too many friends who are almost blinded by their longing for a serious relationship (or at least for the “benefits” thereof).

From your vantage point, you can likely see how their desire for that romcom (and possibly sexually compatible) relationship is keeping them from healthy relationships with the people who care the most about them. Friends like you.

Drives you crazy, right?

I mean, why waste your life? When the time is right the right person will come along. No need to pine away. Certainly not a great idea to try to manipulate something like a serious relationship.

So I commend you! I lift my glass in your honor! You don’t want a serious relationship just so you can say you have one; just so you can change your relationship status on all your social media accounts; just so you can take those selfies with your bestie, who happens to be your bae.

As we used to say back in the 80s, “Gag me with a spoon!

But speaking of time, let me ask you a question.

What if four years from today you were to meet the right person?

And when I say, “the right person,” I mean the right person. Not just someone who happens to like you back. Not even merely someone who looks fine all the way to the behind, but someone who also happens to be kind, fun, sharp, thoughtful, fit, humble, creative, confident, dependable and fun. (Did I mention “fun?”)

I’m not talking about some silly crush, but some seriously mature person of the opposite sex with whom you could enjoy a real relationship, with a real future.

What if you meet them, four years from today?

I don’t know if four years seems like a long time to you or not, but let me change the subject for a minute. (Gladly, right? Because you don’t want a serious relationship now anyway.)

Consider this: most people go to four years of college to prepare for their career and almost everyone will at least attend four years of high school.


Because that’s the way you get a great career. You get a great education first. It doesn’t happen by magic and it’s not rocket science, either. (Well, unless you’re preparing for a career in rocket science. Then I suppose it is.)

What does this have to do with the relationship you’re NOT interested in right now?

Just this:

What do you think it’s going to take for you to have a great relationship four years from now?

Just meeting that perfect person?

And then you will live happily ever after.

The End

Do you know how many people just like you thought that way? I’m talking about others who were once happy single too, when suddenly, without warning, they fell in love with the person they just knew was “the one.” And then they were even happier “in a relationship.”

However, sadly, after so many years (or perhaps only months) into a dead end marriage they’re wondering what went wrong.

Well, here’s what went wrong: they never prepared for a great relationship, and so they didn’t have the foggiest idea how to nurture and sustain one.

Or forget about sustaining a great relationship! They didn’t even know what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like. (I’m probably talking about someone you know. Maybe even your parents.)

Is that how you want your relationship life to play out?

Of course, you’re not thinking about a relationship right now. That’s fabulous! You’re actually the very person I want to talk to. That’s why I was so bummed when your friend was telling me you wouldn’t be interested in hearing me out.

But if you’re still with me, PRAISE GOD, because here’s what you need to understand:

Now is the time to prepare for relational success. BEFORE you fall in love. Preferably before you even start dating!

How do you do that?

That’s the good news! Because, though it might take a few years, it won’t cost you thousands in student loans.

And the reward?

Well it will beat any career goals you have. I can tell you that, fo sho. Just ask anyone on their death bed, which matters the most: career success or relational success.

Relational success: this is what Future Marriage University (FMU) is all about.

YES! I know you’re not interested in a relationship right now. We already covered that.

But what about four years from now?

If your career is worth four years of preparation, what might that future relationship be worth to you?

For starters, check out our relationship topic page.

Someday I hope to hear about you again; hear that you’re thriving in a serious relationship.

But for today, why not start preparing?


Michael (MJ) Johnson
Co-Founder, President & Dean of Dating
Future Marriage University

DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

Dug this weekend’s DNA? Be a good friend and share with your friends on the social media platform of choice: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, or Twitter.

The LoveEd discipleship series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE you fall in love!

It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.

Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.

Even better?  And ask a rock star married couple you respect to lead it!