If you want to learn how to avoid falling for the wrong person, you need to consider:
- How you date (right practices)
- Where you date (right places)
- When you date (right time period)
We address all three in the LoveEd video below as we share three reasons your dating life is complicated.
You also want to learn to avoid the nine Mr./Ms. Wrongs you shouldn’t date.
After all, it’s hard to fall for someone if you never date them in the first place.
We introduce the first of those nine Mr./Ms. Wrongs in the post below (along with our first dating commandment). All the content below was drawn straight from our book, Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide.
Why It’s So Easy to Fall for the Wrong Person
Ever wonder why it’s so easy to fall for the wrong person?
In this chapter and the two that follow, we will identify nine Wrong Persons; that is nine personality profiles you should not date. However, my guess is that for most of them, you might think, “Duh! Why would I want to date somebody like that? Of course I’ll avoid them! I’m not desperate.”
And yet, seemingly normal, healthy, intelligent individuals wind up dating partners like this every day. Perhaps one of those seemingly normal, healthy, intelligent individuals has even been you … I mean someone you know. Indeed, many wind up even marrying the kind of wrong persons I’m about to describe.
What explains this?
It’s simple: the kind of traits I’m going to warn you about are not obvious to spot right away, which means that to discern some of these red flags, it will take getting to know your date over a significant period of time.
In the meantime, there will be other positive traits about the person you’re interested in that you can’t ignore:
- They’re gorgeous.
- They’re easy to talk with.
- They’re funny.
- They’re into the same things you are.
- They’re also into you. A lot.
- They’re a great kisser.
- They’re kind to woodland creatures.
This is why…
One of the biggest challenges of dating is looking past the obvious positive qualities your date possesses (or at least presents) to discern the potential presence of negative qualities that are not so obvious.
Especially if your date is actively trying to hide these negative traits from you.
If that task wasn’t hard enough already, it can be even more difficult if your date’s positive qualities have you falling in love with them before you’ve had a chance to perceive any red flags.
Mr. and Ms. Wrong Are Worthy of Love Too!
While everyone is worthy of love, not everyone is ready to handle a serious dating relationship. Looking at it another way, not everyone is mature and healthy enough to handle your heart the way your Heavenly Father would desire.
So, as you read through this list of personality profiles and you recognize someone you know, pray for their good! Pray for them to surrender to Jesus. Pray for them to overcome their challenges, so they can become the person our God made them to be. Not so they can be yours someday, but so they can be His forever!
And then steer clear of them! Especially if you find yourself attracted to them or you suspect they may be attracted to you.
No, this is not mean. This is wisdom. It’s also loving because…
Love wants the best for others.
And here’s what’s best for every Mr. or Ms. Wrong: mature same-gender friends and mentors in their lives to help them grow and change, without any weird or distracting romantic vibes getting in the way.
I know. In rom-coms, the valiant knight saves the damsel in distress, or the sweet beauty tames the heart of the beast. But your life is not a movie. It is reality. Date in reality. In the end, it’s always better that way.
With that background, let’s get to our list of nine Mr. or Ms. Wrongs.
Mr./Ms. Wrong #1: The Stranger
When you were a kid, what was the one rule about strangers?
Don’t talk to strangers.
Pretty much covers everything, doesn’t it? Should you get in a car with a stranger? Accept candy from a stranger? Hold their hand?
No. NO. NO! You’re not even supposed to talk with them. But then you get into the dating world and suddenly strangers are no longer a danger. Heck, they might be the love of your life!
As a result, you are not only encouraged to talk with them, it’s considered completely normal to get in a car with a stranger and travel to an undisclosed location for an indeterminate amount of time, where you will eat and drink with them, engage in personal conversation with them, and maybe even make out with them. Or more!
Of course, one of the reasons you date is to get to know someone better, but there’s a huge difference between dating to get to know a friend better, or even to get to know an acquaintance better, and dating to get to know a stranger for the first time. So here is…
Dating Commandment #1: Thou shalt not date strangers.
And to be clear, a stranger is anyone who neither you nor anyone you know and trust knows and trusts.
If you don’t really know someone, you shouldn’t trust them either unless one or more of your friends knows and trusts them. Otherwise, the person in question is a stranger and not a qualified dating candidate.
Sound too legalistic? Then you should know about an online survey we conducted where we asked college students and young adults to share their first-date horror stories. Boy did we get some whoppers!
However, when I considered all the crazy tales, it occurred to me that there was one rule—just one rule—that if followed, could have prevented every single first date fail. Every one!
And thus our first Dating Commandment was born.
How to Get to Know Someone Before the First Date
Am I saying you should run away from anyone you don’t know like you were taught when you were five? No!
Should you ignore them? Shun them? Consider them dead to you?
No. No. And no.
So, what’s a body to do if they want to date someone they don’t know from Adam?
Get to know them first, before the first date. Ingenious, right?
Hang out with them in the company of people you do know and trust, so you can all get to know this “person of interest” together. That way, they can also get to know you and your friends. It’s even better if their friends come along for the fun.
If you meet online, it’s a lot trickier. Especially if you’ve met on a dating site, where romantic hopes are already a thing from the first contact. But we strongly suggest opening up your entire text/chat/DM/email history to a couple of friends or mentors.
Don’t hide anything from those who know you best and love you most!
Online predation is real! As is the common practice of catfishing.
And speaking of catfishing, it isn’t necessarily intentional deception. We are all naturally inclined to project who we wish we were, so it’s often more self-deception than fraud.
I don’t say that to minimize online pretense, but more to point out that almost all of us are guilty of projecting an online image that doesn’t quite match reality or only matches it in our best moments. Think how much more pretense there could be with someone who is intentionally hoping to lure an unsuspecting victim into falling for them.
The Three Things You Want to Know Before Your First Date
If you’re determined to not date strangers, you (or someone you know and trust) should be fairly familiar with the following before the first date:
- Your potential date’s character
- Your potential date’s friends
- What your potential date’s friends think about their character
Will this information take some amount of time to gather, especially in a comfortable, casual way that doesn’t feel like an interview process?
Yes, but think of what you stand to gain: no more first date fails. And though it won’t ensure a pain-free dating life, sticking to this one dating commandment will result in far less heartbreak, rejection, and regret.
Consider what happened to Joseph and the Israelites when they were duped into making a treaty with the Gibeonites (as recorded in Joshua 9). They made what seemed at the time a completely logical decision based on how the Gibeonites looked and the story they told. It reminds me a lot of how people get hoodwinked in dating all the time.
Want more? We want to give it to you!
The above is only the very beginning of the chapter, Why It’s So Easy to Fall for the Wrong Person, from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide.
- Get a free download of the entire chapter, Why It’s So Easy to Fall for the Wrong Person
- Read more excerpts from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide
- Learn more about the book, Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide
