Date Night Advice (DNA) Series: TOP10 Benefits of Saving Sex for Marriage
I’ve read quite a few bitter stories from former “good little Christians” who waited until marriage to have sex (sort of), only to be disappointed – no, that’s not strong enough – only to be FURIOUS with their sex life after marriage.
Sadly, many of these angry individuals actually urge other “good little Christians” to explore their sexuality and indulge their passions instead of waiting.
Then there are those disillusioned singles out there who are long past the age when they thought they would be married. With no prospects on the horizon. Wondering what might have been if only they had taken advantage of past opportunities to enjoy their sexuality.
Well here’s a little secret: all these people have completely missed the greatest benefit of saving sex for marriage!
That’s what we’ll share in this post. And if you can come to fully embrace this truth, it will set you free to control your sex drive outside of marriage, as well as enjoy sex to the fullest inside of marriage, should God so lead.
Two weeks ago we began sharing the TOP10 benefits of saving sex for marriage, and last week we got down to the TOP5 and this week we share the #1 benefit; the greatest benefit of saving sex for marriage.
And what, pray tell, may that be?
Only this: a deeper relationship with God.[insert sound of crickets here]
Not what you were hoping for?
I know. That’s why we get angry.
We want something bigger and better than a deeper relationship with God, don’t we?
I mean, we love God and all. And worship last Sunday was really sweet, singing about God’s love and how it’s all we need, but…
We want satisfaction.
Honestly? We want sexual satisfaction.
To be specific, we want sexual satisfaction right now!
If we determine that (out of loyalty or duty or obligation or fear) we will delay our sexual gratification, then by golly when we finally get to have sex, it better be worth it!
It better be legendary.
And it ought to be that way the first time and every time, because a long wait ought to be properly rewarded!
However, sex shouldn’t be the reason we get married. And, the promise of earthly reward shouldn’t be the reason for our obedience in any area of life.
Our obedience should be out of love.
We should submit our sex drive to the directives of God’s word because we love God and trust His will. Not because we love sex and trust God to give us our will (after we deny ourselves for a period of time which we determine to be fair).
And to be clear, God’s not withholding his love from all those fornicators out there. He’s not refusing to draw near to those bad bad people who are sexually promiscuous. He bled and died – brutally – for fornicators, murderers, liars and cheats. You know. People like us. The kind of people who would obey Him only so they could get something they wanted.
Can you see how viewing God in this light prohibits you from growing closer to Him? It’s not that God won’t love us if we don’t obey, but that we can’t love Him if we won’t obey.
By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. – 1 John 5:2-3
It’s very likely God does want to bless you with a great marital sex life, but far more than that, the gift God most wants to give you is Himself.
- His wisdom, not so you can win the Bible drill, but so you can know Him as your most-understanding friend, most-trusted advisor, most-sensitive lover and most-merciful Lord.
- His grace, not so you can get away with doing whatever you want, but so that you can be empowered to answer the call He has placed on your life to accomplish things so much bigger than yourself. Certainly bigger things than a great sex life.
- His joy and peace, not so you can be happy and comfortable, but so you can endure the hard questions and delayed answers, and keep persevering in faith.
All of those gifts are ours, in His presence, in relationship with Him.
I know your body may be crying out for sex, like a little toddler cries out for her binky, but your soul is dying for something deeper, richer and more wonderful.
And if you can believe it, the loneliness that drives you to find escape in romantic fantasies, porn and sexual relationships, is a shadow of your heart’s truest desire to know God as you are already fully known by Him.
So save sex for marriage, because God made sex for marriage. But then understand that future gratification isn’t the goal. Finding delight in the presence of Your God right here right now, as you read the final words of this post, that is the goal.
“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” – James 4:8 (ESV)
Speaking of obedience, might God be asking you to give sacrificial to a ministry through which He has blessed you? Consider a tax-deductible donation to Future Marriage University!
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.
Even better? And ask a rock star married couple you respect to lead it!