Date Night Advice (DNA) Series: TOP10 Benefits of Saving Sex for Marriage
It’s too late for the Titanic.That ship has sailed.
But there’s something else that’s going down right now, and it’s not too late to save it: our culture.
Not sure what the emergency is? Neither were those on the SS Californian who witnessed the distress rockets fired by the Titanic. But here’s the warning signs we see:
It starts with a child born to parents who, married or not, have never learned how to thrive in a long-term, sacrificial relationship.
This unstable (or non-existent) marriage relationship then stunts the parent-child relationship, which drives those children to look for love, security and acceptance elsewhere. (Can you relate to this scenario?)
And where do most needy, lonely children look for the relational fulfillment they can’t find at home? More often than not, the very place Hollywood presents as the gold standard of relationships: a romantic/sexual one. (Now can you relate?)
Sadly, these Disney romances and MTV hook-ups never satisfy the soul’s craving for true intimacy, compelling kids and grownups alike to jump from relationship to relationship, like so many leaky life boats.
The next thing you know: SURPRISE! There’s a child on the way. Another child who will grow up never knowing the peace and happiness of a life where they are raised by two adults who are as committed to each other as they are to the child’s well-being.
The end result: an entire culture shipwrecked, with millions drowning, and millions more adrift, dying a slow death from overexposure to sexual indulgence and broken relationships.
That’s the reason for our distress signal. SOS: Save Our Sex!
We’re urging you, along with your mom, mailman, grocer, pastor, hair stylist, boss and neighbor to save sex for marriage. And, while you’re saving sex, we want to empower you to understand, prepare for and discern God’s calling in marriage, so your children can grow up knowing who they are and where they belong.
Toward that end, last week we began sharing the TOP10 Benefits of Saving Sex for Marriage. This week we continue with the TOP5.
#5: You can pursue true intimacy.
Sex is a powerful force. However, contrary to popular belief, our soul’s greatest need is not for hot sex, but for healthy relationships. Our hearts are crying out to be known at the deepest level, even as we long to know the hearts of those who are most important in our lives.
Within marriage, sexual intimacy becomes a catalyst which encourages and literally embodies the relational intimacy shared by two lovers committed for life. It does this, because that’s what sex was made to do.
However, whenever a couple chooses to bare their bodies without the security of that commitment a natural dissonance takes place. Their bodies are saying, “we can safely share all we are with each other,” but without a marriage covenant there is no security, and their hearts know this. In this context, sexual intimacy serves to undermine the vulnerability necessary for true intimacy.
#4: The ability to bless your future spouse with your body.
Some people crassly claim you shouldn’t commit to someone in marriage until you’ve “test driven” them to make sure the sex will be good. That’s such a beautiful way of looking at people, isn’t it: as objects to be tried out?
That said, according to scripture, after marriage your body will belong to your spouse, as theirs will to you. So instead of an object to be tried out by any interested “buyer,” our bodies are gifts to be given only to our spouse. The question then arises: what kind of gift would you like your body to be: new or used?
Of course, if you’ve already allowed others to take your body for a test drive, “new” is no longer an option, but THERE IS STILL REDEMPTION FOR YOU! Many are able to enjoy happy marital sex lives after years of sexual promiscuity (or even years of sexual abuse).
But not. By. Magic.
Just like a misused vehicle will require extensive service and repair to keep running properly, those who have abused their bodies (or had their bodies abused) must seek wise counsel in working through the consequences of their sexual history and confessing what they’ve done (and what has been done to them). Only then can you break free from your past.
#3: You make marital fidelity more likely.
It’s kind of funny to me that many will judge a married person for having sex outside of marriage, while at the same time justify a single person having sex outside of marriage.
Why is that funny to me? Because either sex is reserved for marriage or it’s not.
What’s not funny, is that this common moral incongruence will not only keep you from controlling your sex drive, it will lead you to indulge it’s passions. (“It’s OK, now. Just not after I’m married.”)
Here’s the deal, controlling your sex drive is a learned skill and if you don’t learn it before marriage, marriage will not teach you how. And, no, it will not be easier to learn after marriage. So we see that saving sex for marriage is for everyone, both single and married.
The question, “How far is too far,” misses the point entirely.
To be clear, here’s what sexual purity is not.
Sexual purity is not about avoiding bad things, like shame and STIs. It’s about pursuing good things, like peace and honor!
Hebrews 13:4 (ESV) says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
Sexual purity is not about sticking to some old fashion principles that don’t make sense in our modern day culture. It’s about trusting in the timeless law of God that frankly has never made sense in any culture that refused to honor Him.
1 Thes 4:3 (ESV) says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.”
Please don’t miss the last line of that verse: “not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.” Those who don’t know or follow God have always mocked holiness and honor and pursued their own passions, so what we erroneously think of as a modern mentality is older than your grandma.
And what’s the #1 Benefit of saving sex for marriage? Click here to find out, but you can check out all ten in the LoveEd video series, TOP10 Benefits of Saving Sex for Marriage on our FMU YouTube channel.
But how about your thoughts? What other benefits do you see for saving sex for marriage? Share them in the comment section below.
Speaking of benefits, have you benefited from what you’ve learned here? Consider a tax-deductible donation to Future Marriage University!
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.
Even better? And ask a rock star married couple you respect to lead it!