If you’re lonely and believe that dating the right person would take care of that problem, you want to watch the LoveEd episode above, and the one that follows it.
Fact is, you were made to belong, but not first and foremost to a significant other. And if you can’t get that straight you’ll likely sabotage your dating relationships as you try to bleed from them what they were never meant to give you.
Are You Really Alone without a Significant Other?
If we were created with a deep need for meaningful human connection, how can you date without the yearning, gnawing desperation to belong to a significant other?
You accomplish this by seeking that connection, not in the arms of some perfect “soul mate,” but in community.
Start with your own family. If right away you’re like, “Oh no! My family is crazy,” I get it. Mine too.
But forget about the family I grew up with, you should see the family my children had to grow up in!
Are you getting what I’m saying? I’m not trying to be funny or self-effacing. I’m being honest. Everyone’s family is crazy, flawed, disappointing, maybe even dysfunctional. However, everyone’s family is also significant, precious, and—for better or for worse—an inescapable part of each of us.
Perhaps your family is so toxic you can’t reconcile with anyone there.
If that is your story, I am truly sorry. However, you can’t simply leave a toxic family background and waltz into the perfect marriage with the perfect person. You must deal with your past first, perhaps through counseling and therapy.
Many out there dating (or just waiting) seem to hope they’ll wake up someday, like Adam, and discover God took one of their ribs while they were sleeping and formed the perfect person to end all their loneliness, heal all their brokenness, and ensure all their happiness.
Of course, that sort of worked for Adam, but we can’t forget how Adam’s “helper” wound up helping herself to that forbidden fruit. And now here we all are.
So, if you can’t find the human connection you need in your family, and it’s unrealistic to expect all those needs to be met by your future spouse, what are you to do?
Simply this: seek out a church family and get involved. Seek out wise mentors and same-gender friends, and be as intentional about growing those platonic relationships as you want to be in growing that perfect romance with the person of your dreams. Then, and only then, can you date like you’re never alone. Because you won’t be.
[The above post is an excerpt right from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. I wrote it to empower YOU to grow spiritually and date wisely so you can marry well. Check out the book and video curriculum here!]
