What if there was a reason?
And what if understanding the reason not only would have saved your last relationship, but enabled you to thrive in that relationship? And thrive in relationships in general?
The fact is…
If we’re not careful, the mindsets we develop over time to survive relationships can wind up actually killing them. We call these mindsets, love assassins.
Some of these mindsets are born out of the desire to protect ourselves from hurt, but wind up hurting the ones we love, and ourselves in the process. Despite where they come from, most of the time, like any trained assassin, we don’t ever see them coming. We only see the death they leave behind.
Last week we identified four and this week we’ll identify five more. Consider whether any of these love assassins might be working undercover in your relationship life.
The White Lie Illusion
Abe Lincoln may have died from a bullet to the back of the head, but many relationships die from lies we tell right to people’s faces.
If telling little white lies is a temptation for you, you want to watch this episode of LoveEd for the truth about the white lie illusion. Oh, and we had more fun taping this episode than probably any other. Something about me being dressed like Abe Lincoln. And pretending to be him.
Pretending. Not lying.
The Victim Mentality
To be certain, there are true victims in this world. People who have been abused, taken advantage of or suffered a terrible loss. But in today’s emotionally fragile culture, everyone can be a victim. You don’t have to be able to show any bruises or prove any actual damage. You just have to be able to get people to feel sorry for you.
Not only does this victim mentality inhibit our ability to get along as a society, it wrecks terrible damage in intimate relationships where both parties can insist they are the victim, and neither can admit fault.
Though the victim mentality may be a deadly love assassin, this episode of LoveEd was by far our most ambitious episode to date, incorporating state-of-the-art Kung-Fu vocal overdubs. In other words, it’s pretty funny.
The Poison of Bitterness
Though occasionally employed in assassination attempts, poison is a much more common way for people to kill themselves. That’s quite appropriate for this love assassin, because bitterness usually kills a relationship by poisoning the heart of the person who holds it.
If you struggle with forgiving those who have hurt you in the past (or present) you need to watch this Sherlock Episode of LoveEd before the love assassin of bitterness poisons the rest of your relationships.
The Iron Man Virus
More commonly known as the bachelor mentality, the iron man virus can be carried by bachelorettes as well. Named after the consummate bachelor, Tony (Iron Man) Stark, this mindset holds that the right relationships should just work, without requiring any significant change or compromise on your part.
That’s an idea as appealing as believing you can protect your heart with a special glowing magnet. Never the less, this love assassin is behind an infinite range of relationship dysfunction, from which no suit of iron can protect you.
This love assassin will keep you from getting along with family and friends, prevent job satisfaction, keep you spiritually malnourished and most assuredly prevent you from thriving in a life-long, sacrificial relationship like marriage. Find the antivirus before it’s too late in this LoveEd episode.
In the movie, The Matrix, Neo got the entirely wrong idea from the Oracle about who he was. And yet everything turned out right in the end.
If only negative interpretation always worked like that in real life. Instead, when you have developed the habit of consistently assuming the worst from the words and actions of the people in your life, you make it incredibly difficult to get along with them.
Maybe you can survive at work and church like that, but not in a serious relationship were mutual trust, understanding and vulnerability are essential. But who really wants to go through life thinking the worst of people?
Learn how to discern and take out this love assassin in our Matrix Edition of LoveEd.
The saying goes, “what you don’t know can’t hurt you,” but that’s far from the truth when it comes to relationships.
Perhaps you don’t see any of these love assassins at work in your relationships, but don’t trust your eyes. If these mindsets were easy to recognize we wouldn’t call them love assassins. We’d call them “love killers you can see coming from a mile away.”
Further, understanding what the love assassins are is one thing. Being able to identify them in your life is quite another, so why not ask someone who knows and loves you well to read this post and watch the videos. Then you can have a discussion with them which could strengthen your relational skills as it builds your relationships.
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
Want to go beyond what a blog post can accomplish? The LoveEd discipleship series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE!
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better? And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!