Of course, I don’t even know you, so the idea that I would know why your relationships aren’t working might come across a bit presumptuous.
Heck, I don’t even know if you’ve ever been in a relationship, but after studying this subject matter for as long as I have, I find the same roadblocks to relational success arise time and time again.
To give you some quick direction as to why your relationships might not be working, here are three important questions to ask yourself:
#1: Are you emotionally/spiritually/relationally healthy?
You know the saying, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”?
Well, there’s a lesser known saying, which is even more certain: “If you ain’t healthy, ain’t none of your relationships healthy.”
How do you know if you’re healthy? Well, there isn’t any emotional barometer I know of, but here are some warning signs that you may not be:
- Potential mates seem to avoid you, as if you were either a predator or carrier of a contagious disease.
- You always seem to attract “the wrong kind of girl/guy.”
- Your relationships keep stalling out at a certain point – often times the same point.
- Your relationships progress like you’re in a race to the finish line. And the finish line is the breakup.
- You keep getting into one bad relationship after another.
- Serious relationships somehow seem to equal sexual relationships for you.
- You struggle with maintaining close, meaningful friendships.
- You have “close” friends, but don’t feel like they really know you.
If any of those signs sound familiar, then you ought to take a closer look at your own personal health. To assist you in that endeavor, here are the first three of six signs of relational readiness, from our Date Night Advice (DNA) series on Purpose-Driven Dating.
#2: Have you developed some bad relational mindsets?
Just because your overall relational health is in good order, doesn’t mean you don’t have any areas that could use some improvement.
Indeed, you may likely be the victim of one or more Love Assassins. A love assassin is a mindset that will stunt your social life and sabotage your ability to thrive in long-term, sacrificial relationships.
Would you like to know what these various mindsets are and learn how to discern whether any of them are at work stealthily behind the scenes, keeping you from fantastic relationships?
Yes, you would! So begin with this video introducing the first of nine Love Assassins in the LoveEd series on our FMU YouTube channel.
#3: Do you know what you’re looking for from your dating life?
Can you imagine interviewing for jobs without the slightest idea of what kind of job you were looking for? Maybe you do that when you’re in high school and just want some spending money, but grownups have some idea of where they want their career to take them. Then their future aspirations direct their career choices.
However, when it comes to dating it is so common for people to just…
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- Just date
- Just hang out
- Just hook up
- Just… whatever
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The crazy thing about that? If we’re honest with ourselves, most of us know deep down our relationships are far more important to us than our career. Why even our “dream job” can’t be our dream job if it means working with people we can’t stand.
Of course, many people have a “dream date” in mind – that magical person who will not only be the most pleasant thing you’ve ever laid your eyes on, but they love to cook, clean and happen to be independently wealthy.
But what about your vision for dating and relationships itself? Do you have one?
Consider starting with this post, from our Dating 101 DNA series, which summarizes the first four of ten fresh perspectives that could change your dating life for the better, and subsequently the rest of your life.
Hope that gives you some direction. We’d love to empower you to get your relationship life working! Let us know any specific issues you’re dealing with or questions you’re pondering.
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
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The LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE! It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. Check out the first two 8-lesson study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better? And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!
