Date Night Advice series: TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date
Dumb Reason #2: Sexual Intercourse
What is the #2 dumbest reason to date?
It’s the one you’ve been waiting for.
In fact, it’s the one you’re told to wait for.
And keep waiting for.
And yet the one thing you just can’t seem to wait for.
Wait for it…
Sexual intercourse.
When I share this TOP10 live, I know everyone in the room has been waiting for me to bring up sex.
And most are dreading it.
Why? Because they know I’m probably going to tell them to keep waiting for it. After all, the oft-repeated mantra of the (conservative, evangelical) church is well-known:
- Wait until marriage to have sex
- Wait until marriage to have sex
- Wait until marriage to have sex
Oh and then…
Wait until marriage to have sex.
Of course I’m going to say that sex is a dumb reason for dating, but how many different times can you hear the same thing, ya know?
Despite all the tension and potential negativity in the room…
I’m compelled to address the topic because sex is at once so wonderful, so powerful and so dangerous. It’s like atomic energy.
Is atomic energy good or bad? If it’s dropped from a plane on your home? BAD! If it’s in a power plant providing electricity to your home? GOOD!
Is fire good or bad? Depends, right? Fire in the fireplace? GOOD! Fire in the hallway? BAD! Many things, like atomic energy and fire and sex are good, but only safe under the right circumstances.
Focusing on the wonderful and powerful qualities, our culture not only presents sex as a perfectly sensible reason to date, but as pretty much the best reason to live. (Dare I say only reason?) Who in the world would want to wait for that?
However, acknowledging the danger along with the wondrous power, the Bible could not be clearer in its prescription for human sexuality. To quote CS Lewis, “Chastity is the most unpopular of the Christian virtues. There is no getting away from it: the old Christian rule is, ‘Either marriage, with complete faithfulness to your partner, or else total abstinence.’”
Or to quote someone with a little more authority than CS Lewis:
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you. – 1 Thes 4:3-8
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. – Heb 13:4
Want more scripture? Check out the hyperlinks of any of the posts in the Things Sex has in Common with… series, but here’s the deal: If you don’t want to believe sexual intercourse outside of marriage is wrong, it’s unlikely any blog series is going to change your mind.
This is why CS Lewis goes on to say, “Obviously either Christianity is wrong or our sexual instinct, as it now is, has gone wrong. One or the other.” For a thorough and convincing defense of sexual purity you can read the rest of what CS Lewis has to say about it in Mere Christianity. I can’t best his logic.
Having said all of that, if you’re willing to accept that sexual intercourse is a dumb reason to date and would like a little help in keeping your dating life pure (or cleaning it up) I have some ideas for you. For starters, you can check out the one single sex boundary I recommend to celibate-minded daters in a series called Keep Things Out in the Open.
Beyond that, I have a couple other suggestions that can help keep your sexual reactor from going into atomic meltdown. Tune in next week. In the meantime, what advice would YOU offer someone trying to keep the sexual passions from blowing up their relationship? You might have the tip that someone else needs TONIGHT!
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
Dug this weekend’s DNA? Be a good friend and share with your friends on the social media platform of choice: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, or Twitter.
Want to go beyond what a blog post can accomplish? The LoveEd discipleship series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE!
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better? And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!
image source: flickr.com/photos/sakucae
