Ever wonder why Christians shouldn’t be unequally yoked?
Well, what does the Bible say about a believer marrying an unbeliever? And whatever it says, do those instructions still apply today?
And if so, do those instructions apply to dating? And what does any of this having to do with trusting God?
Those are the questions the LoveEd video above tackles. But we also address this issue in our latest book, Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. Check out the excerpt below.
5 Popular Reasons for Dating an Unbeliever
Reason #1: Doesn’t Jesus call us to love everyone?
Yes, He does. Sacrificially, not romantically. There’s a big difference between the two kinds of love.
This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. — John 15:12-13 ESV
Reason #2: This person is more Christian than most Christians I know.
Sadly, I can totally believe that, but sin doesn’t make people bad. It makes them dead. We are not bad in our sin without Jesus. We are dead.
Dating physically dead people is discouraged in every known culture. God feels just as strongly about dating spiritually dead people.
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. — Romans 6:23 ESV
Reason #3: God led me into this relationship.
God’s Spirit will never lead you to disobey God’s Word.
It is true that the Spirit led Jesus into the desert to be tempted by the Devil himself. However, the goal wasn’t for Jesus to yield to temptation but to resist temptation. And, in the power of God’s same Spirit, He did!
Then Jesus said to him, “Be gone, Satan! For it is written, “You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve.” — Matthew 4:10 ESV
Reason #4: The Bible only says not to marry unbelievers, but I’m only going to date them.
So if you’re not going to marry them, why are you dating them?
Are you “practice dating,” where you date someone you’d never marry, so you can be more prepared and confident when you date Mr. or Ms. Right? Is it right to use someone like that? Is that what Jesus would do?
Why not keep the relationship platonic? Are you being honest with yourself? Are you being honest with them?
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. — James 4:7-8 ESV
Reason #5: I’m dating to witness to them!
So your real goal is not romance but evangelism. Is this the new door-to-door witnessing?
Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams. — 1 Samuel 15:22 ESV
Every Unbeliever Needs a Savior
Wise individual, please listen to me. The unbeliever is just like us before we believed.
For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. — Romans 8:7-9 ESV
We once lived in darkness. We once didn’t belong to Jesus. We once thought we were fine without Him. But that was before we understood our sin and His holiness. That was before we grasped our great need and His great grace.
Tempted to date an unbeliever? Remember the truth: the unbeliever needs a Savior.
And. You. Aren’t. Him.
The Bible’s Only Guideline for Who You Should Marry
Here’s the dealio. Despite the extensive content of this book, there is actually only one scriptural guideline for marriage partner selection, and this is it:
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? — 2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” That’s a farming metaphor that was clearer in Jesus’ day when everyone used oxen to pull their plow or knew someone who did. However, when two animals who are not equally matched in strength are teamed up together, the stronger animal winds up doing most of the work, and in the end, as the weaker beast of burden tires, the team is likely to head off course.
This illustration perfectly describes what takes place in a marriage where one partner is seeking to live for Christ and the other isn’t. Either the believer continues to strive valiantly to walk the hard road of faith alone, or they find their spiritual life drifting off course entirely.
When talking to widows, Paul simplified this one marriage guideline down to just four little words:
A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. — 1 Corinthians 7:39 ESV (emphasis mine)
“Only in the Lord.” That’s it. The end.
So though I’ve warned you to avoid nine different personality profiles, the unbeliever is the only one scripture commands us to avoid. If we aren’t going to take this one clear, specific instruction seriously, why do we look to God’s word for advice on dating at all? Or anything at all?
Dating Commandment #9: Thou shalt not be unequally yoked.
Do You Want God to Use Your Life? How?
Some violate this principle and God still uses it. Samson, the Israelite judge, did so.
But God can use anything! And He does use everything. God used Samson’s lustful desire for worldly women to “provoke the Philistines.” What that involved, however, was Samson’s betrayal at the hands of the women he loved, which ultimately led to his abduction, the gouging out of his eyes, and his enslavement. Is that the sort of relational future you were hoping for?
Of course, maybe things turn out better for you than for Samson, but how do you want to be used by God? In your obedience or in your rebellion?
Either way, God is going to use you. He’s going to work through you. And if you are His, He will even work out everything for your good. No amount of your disobedience is going to inconvenience His plan in the slightest!
But what kind of love story do you want to tell your children? And grandchildren? What do you want to be your testimony? Date accordingly.
Is Jesus Your Savior, or Just Your Imaginary Friend?
Honestly, the fear that strikes me when I meet someone who says they’re pursuing Jesus, but they also want to pursue a dating relationship with someone who doesn’t love Jesus, is this: they may not truly know Jesus.
Maybe they had a conversion experience where they walked down an aisle, made a profession of faith, or felt something truly special, but at the end of the day, it was more or less just that: an experience. But…
Jesus never invites us into an experience. He invites us into a relationship!
Jesus says, “Come and follow me.” Not just on Sundays, or just at church camp, or just on a mission trip, or just down the street to run some errands. And not only when it feels good or easy. (Is it ever easy?)
Jesus’s invitation is to follow Him every day of every week of every month of every year of your life. And to those who don’t know Him, I can see how that sounds like some daunting sentence they have to serve.
However, that’s where faith comes in, because as you follow Him by faith, one day at a time, you grow to know, believe, and depend on His love and grace like the air that fills your lungs and the gravity that keeps you grounded.
Do I still sin, despite my love for Jesus? Yes, absolutely, but I can’t justify my sin. His love for me is so precious, I want to respond to it in obedience. I want to repent of my sin instead of rationalizing it.
Do you know Jesus like this?
Is Jesus even real to you? Is He really your Savior who wants to show you the path of life, or more like an imaginary friend who gives you the comfort only your imagination can give?
Is the Jesus you claim to follow, the God revealed in scripture who meets your deepest need for forgiveness and mercy? Or is He some God, defined by our culture, who will grant your every desire, if you’re good enough?
In other words, is this the reality: you just want to believe in Jesus, like a kid wants to believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny? And If you do believe Jesus is your real and true friend, are you His real and true friend?
You are my friends if you do what I command you. —John 15:14 ESV
Don’t take that last verse as a guilt trip. It’s just a statement of fact, not a threat. Jesus isn’t saying, “If you don’t do what I say, I won’t be your friend anymore.” He’s saying, “I am your one true friend. And if you truly know my love, you’ll trust me enough to do whatever I say.”
Will you trust Him?
[The above post is an excerpt right from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. I wrote it to empower YOU to grow spiritually and date wisely so you can marry well. Check out the book and video curriculum here. Or watch this video and THEN click the previous link.]
Biggest Dating Mistake Christians Make (Spoiler Alert: It’s NOT Sex!)
