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II-40 year old virginI have a friend who lost his virginity in high school.

Thank goodness he didn’t wind up a 40-year-old virgin, right?

I mean how embarrassing that would be!

How sad!

How pathetically retrograde!

Of course he lost his virginity to some girl he barely knew. A girl who apparently knew a whole lot more about sex than he did.

At least she understood the procedure, but didn’t seem to grasp the purpose.

That is to say she had “experience,” but she didn’t have understanding.

But that’s all you need if you’re just looking to peel off the “virgin” label.

Again, she wasn’t his high school sweetheart. They hadn’t even dated long. He didn’t even find her particularly attractive, but, dude, she got the job done. Alright?

And after this girl “fixed” my friend from ever having to bear the ignominious title of “virgin” ever again, she promptly broke up with him.

“‘I just had sex with you so you could get over me.’
That’s what she told him afterwards.

My friend assured me that he didn’t get over it for many, many years. To the contrary. It haunted him.

So there you have it, I just explained how not to wind up a 40-year-old virgin. Simple huh?

Here, let me just summarize:

#1: Find someone who’s experienced and willing to have sex with you.
#2: If necessary, simply lower your standards, to find such a person.
#3: Have sex!

Yea, sexual freedom!

Yea, hook-up culture!

Yea, freedom from virginity!!

Are you still reading?

What for?

Oh yeah. There was a subtitle to this post. Something about how not to wind up a 40-year old who has had lots of sex, but is still desperately lonely.

Well, I must be honest with you.

That’s going to take a little more effort than the first goal. (Perhaps that’s one reason why so few people shoot for it.)

But fortunately we talk about how to achieve that second goal all the time right here in this space.

So here’s some direction to past posts that could provide the truth that sets you free.

#1: Learn to recognize and then renounce all faith in the five sex lies. (Our 5th most read post of 2014 shares those.)

#2: Forget about sexual experience and seek sexual understanding. Our #1 most read post of 2014,and 2015 would be a great place to start: Intercourse: It’s Not Just a City in Pennsylvania.

#3: Grasp what true intimacy is; the deeper desire of your heart, of which sex either serves as the supreme expression or the emptiest charade.

Please, if you’ve read this far, please don’t stop here. If this post has piqued your curiosity at all, you won’t be sorry if you read further, by clicking any of the hyperlinks above.

Bottom line, I’m a 40-something-year-old who doesn’t identify myself by whether I’ve had sex or not, because by God’s grace I’ve been able to put my personal sexuality in its proper place in my life, which, incidentally is a rather minor role, rather than the starring role our culture seems to indicate it should take.

I want nothing more than to help other wise individuals like yourself do that very same thing. It’s why I’ve been blogging faithfully every week for years, so that those who really want to know the truth can find it.

So click away! Read on! And if you still have further questions, hit me up on any of these platforms:

And lastly, could I ask you to pass this post on to anyone else you know who’s struggling with either their virginity, lack-thereof, or just plain old loneliness?

And on that note we tie a big bow around this blog series: The Intimacy Imposters. Thanks for reading! Let us know if it’s been enlightening.

[This is post is part of a series called Intimacy Imposters (it begins with this post) where we identify the greatest relational need of our heart and then ID the counterfeits we seek out or settle for instead. Intimacy Imposters started out as a discussion series and can be booked for your college, youth or young adults group (or singles group, seminar, or whatever they’re calling Bible study these days).

DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

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The LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE! It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. Check out the first two 8-lesson study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better?  And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!