Our 50th Post on Sex

Yes. The title of this post is true.

So after 49 different posts on the topic of sex, what’s left to say in a 50th? Here are 50 quick thoughts (some essential truths, some private confessions):

1. God made it up.
2. God knows what He’s doing. That includes sex.
3. It’s a good gift.
4. As with any gift, the more it is honored, the more precious it becomes.
5. Conversely, the more casually it is treated, the more cheap and meaningless it becomes.
6. Because it was created to be such a unique experience of intense intimacy, treating it casually will bear long-term consequences.
7. You probably won’t experience the full extent of those consequences for some time.
8. You probably won’t fully understand those consequences until sometime after you’ve begun to experience them.
9. I know about #6 through #8 from personal experience. And I was still a virgin when I got married.
10. You can be a virgin, but not sexually pure.
11. Sexual purity is the goal. Not virginity.
12. Sex is not a toy to be played with.
13. It is not a weapon to be wielded.
14. It is not just an act.
15. Sex is a conversation.
16. A complex conversation.
17. It can’t be both no big deal and the ultimate experience at the same time.
18. God gave us guidelines for exploring and enjoying sex.
19. Those guidelines are called marriage.
20. Marriage is the best reason to wait for sex.
21. But sex is one of the worst reasons to get married.
22. That’s because marriage isn’t about sex.
23. Sex is about marriage.
24. Sex should never define you.
25. That includes those who consider themselves “gay Christians.”
26. It also includes those who consider themselves “sex addicts.”
27. And those who think of themselves as “damaged goods.”
28. And those who are virgins.
29. And those who have had their virginity stolen from them.
30. It was made to be consensual.
31. In other words, no means no.
32. If you don’t deal with sexual sin it will deal with you.
33. This is true whether it’s sexual sin you’ve committed or sexual sin committed against you.
34. If you have been sexually abused it’s imperative that you first find a safe person with whom you can share your pain and then become a part of a safe community in which you can find healing and wholeness.
35. That initial safe person shouldn’t be your girl or boyfriend, but someone older and wiser, probably of the same gender, and preferably with some experience in dealing with sexual abuse.
36. When I was in college, I had a girl confide in me (and another friend) that she had been date raped the previous weekend.
37. Since I was NOT older and wiser and had zero experience in dealing with sexual abuse, I had no idea what to do or say.
38. If I could go back I would have urged that precious girl to get help from a pastor or counselor, but now I can only pray for her healing and wholeness. And I do.
39. I was very close to someone else who was sexually abused, but they never told me.
40. I didn’t find out their secret until after they had taken their own life, so sadly I can’t even pray for them at this point.
41. Sex is wonderful, powerful and dangerous.
42. That’s why it should be respected and protected as such.
43. Sex was not what I had hoped for on my wedding night.
44. It’s gotten way better since then. Way better. Pretty freaking amazing.
45. In fact, back when I was a hormone-driven, pimply-faced teenager, I simply couldn’t have imagined what sex would be like for me after 10 years of marriage.
    
46. In contrast, I have a friend who’s honeymoon sex was legendary, but today he’s lucky if he gets it once a month.
47. Ponder #43 through #46 whenever you’re tempted to believe you need to prove sexual compatibility first before getting married.
48. Sexual compatibility wasn’t made to be proven. It was made to be cultivated.
49. Sexual compatibility is far more likely when your marriage is strong and healthy.
50. That means sexual prowess is meaningless in comparison to clear communication and the spirit of reconciliation.

So there you go. 50 quick thoughts on sex. Encourage you to discuss this list with a friend or two.

Let me know which thought hit you hardest, or spawned other questions. Then feel free to share your own quick thoughts on sex in the comment section below.

Want more? Click one of these hyperlinks and head to a dedicated page featuring our top Date Night Advice (DNA) posts concerning the topic of your greatest interest:

• SEX
• PORN
• PURITY

DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

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The LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE! It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. Check out the first two 8-lesson study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better?  And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!