Should a Christian date a non-christian?
Well, what does the Bible say about a believer marrying an unbeliever? And whatever it says, do those instructions still apply today?
And if so, do those instructions apply to dating? And what does any of this having to do with trusting God?
Those are the questions the LoveEd video above tackles. For further reflection, read on as we share right from our latest book, Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide.
5 Popular Reasons for Dating an Unbeliever
Reason #1: Doesn’t Jesus call us to love everyone?
Yes, He does. Sacrificially, not romantically. There’s a big difference between the two kinds of love.
This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. — John 15:12-13 ESV
Reason #2: This person is more Christian than most Christians I know.
Sadly, I can totally believe that, but sin doesn’t make people bad. It makes them dead. We are not bad in our sin without Jesus. We are dead.
Dating physically dead people is discouraged in every known culture. God feels just as strongly about dating spiritually dead people.
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. — Romans 6:23 ESV
Reason #3: God led me into this relationship.
God’s Spirit will never lead you to disobey God’s Word.
It is true that the Spirit led Jesus into the desert to be tempted by the Devil himself. However, the goal wasn’t for Jesus to yield to temptation but to resist temptation. And, in the power of God’s same Spirit, He did!
Then Jesus said to him, “Be gone, Satan! For it is written, “You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve.” — Matthew 4:10 ESV
Reason #4: The Bible only says not to marry unbelievers, but I’m only going to date them.
So if you’re not going to marry them, why are you dating them?
Are you “practice dating,” where you date someone you’d never marry, so you can be more prepared and confident when you date Mr. or Ms. Right? Is it right to use someone like that? Is that what Jesus would do?
Why not keep the relationship platonic? Are you being honest with yourself? Are you being honest with them?
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. — James 4:7-8 ESV
Reason #5: I’m dating to witness to them!
So your real goal is not romance but evangelism. Is this the new door-to-door witnessing?
Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams. — 1 Samuel 15:22 ESV
Every Unbeliever Needs a Savior
Wise individual, please listen to me. The unbeliever is just like us before we believed.
For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. — Romans 8:7-9 ESV
We once lived in darkness. We once didn’t belong to Jesus. We once thought we were fine without Him. But that was before we understood our sin and His holiness. That was before we grasped our great need and His great grace.
Tempted to date an unbeliever? Remember the truth: the unbeliever needs a Savior.
And. You. Aren’t. Him.
The Bible’s Only Guideline for Who You Should Marry
Here’s the dealio. Despite the extensive content of this book, there is actually only one scriptural guideline for marriage partner selection, and this is it:
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? — 2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” That’s a farming metaphor that was clearer in Jesus’ day when everyone used oxen to pull their plow or knew someone who did. However, when two animals who are not equally matched in strength are teamed up together, the stronger animal winds up doing most of the work, and in the end, as the weaker beast of burden tires, the team is likely to head off course.
This illustration perfectly describes what takes place in a marriage where one partner is seeking to live for Christ and the other isn’t. Either the believer continues to strive valiantly to walk the hard road of faith alone, or they find their spiritual life drifting off course entirely.
When talking to widows, Paul simplified this one marriage guideline down to just four little words:
A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. — 1 Corinthians 7:39 ESV (emphasis mine)
“Only in the Lord.” That’s it. The end.
So though I’ve warned you to avoid nine different personality profiles, the unbeliever is the only one scripture commands us to avoid. If we aren’t going to take this one clear, specific instruction seriously, why do we look to God’s word for advice on dating at all? Or anything at all?
[The above post is an excerpt right from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. I wrote it to empower YOU to grow spiritually and date wisely so you can marry well. Check out the book and video curriculum here!]
