Date Night Advice (DNA) Series: The Porn Posts
Post 2
You want to be free from porn?
I did too. And since 2001 I have been. That’s 13 years.
How would you like to be able to say, “I’ve been free from porn for 13 years”?
How about just three years? Or three Months?
It’s possible. If I could do it, you can too, but it won’t happen by magic. It will happen by determination; a thorough and complete renewing of your mind in the area of your sexuality.
Yes, it will be hard. It was hard for me too.
Fortunately, for you and me, breaking up with porn isn’t about us, or our abilities, or the obstacles we face. It’s about Christ and His abilities. And the word “obstacle” isn’t in His vocabulary.
Are you ready?
In this post, I’m just going to share a first step. Here it is: Confess to God.
It’s OK. God already knows about the porn.
So just confess. Period.
- Don’t lie to yourself. (“Did God really say…”)
- Don’t deny. (“It’s not like anyone’s going to die.”)
- Don’t rationalize. (“Can fruit this good be that bad?!”)
- Don’t try to fix it yourself. (“Let’s use fig leaves!”)
- Don’t hide. (“Quick! To the bushes! He’ll NEVER think to look there.”)
- Don’t give in to fear. (“God will never forgive me.”)
- Don’t blame. (“It was the woman you gave me! She gave me the fruit…”)
- Don’t try to excuse or explain. (“I was confused. I didn’t know better.”).
He won’t be disappointed in you. You can’t disappoint a God who knows EVERYTHING already. So just confess!
Because He’s already forgiven you. Not only before you confess, but before you were even convicted. Before you ever saw porn. Even before you were born.
So confess. Completely.
Here’s what that looks like:
1. Confess that porn is a SIN.
Does the Bible say porn is sin?
Well, yes and no. In truth, the ancient Greeks and Romans didn’t have Playboy or the internet, so in that sense, the porn so prevalent today wasn’t directly addressed in scripture.
However, the Greeks did have a word for sexual immorality (a broad term used to encompass all forms of… well… sexual immorality), which is used in passages like 1 Thes 4:3-8. Want to know what that Greek word is?
PORNEIA.
You probably noticed that the word “PORNeia” has the word “porn” in it. And you probably wouldn’t be surprised to know that it is the word “porneia” from which we derive the word pornography.
So no, Jesus never said not to look at porn, but He did say do not look on anyone lustfully.
Do you think there’s a difference? Seriously?
Porn is sin, but if you can’t confess that truth you can’t confess. And if you won’t confess you can’t be forgiven.
Yes, you’ve already been offered forgiveness for any and all sin you have and will commit, but to receive that forgiveness you have to confess.
You have to agree with God that sin is sin.
If porn isn’t sin. There’s nothing to confess. If it is, you know what you need to do.
2. Confess that porn is a PROBLEM for you.
I just talked with an acquaintance yesterday. He said he sometimes views porn, but it wasn’t really a problem.
But if we can agree that porn is sin, what are the wages of sin?
If the wages of sin is DEATH then porn is a problem. Sometimes we act like the wages of sin is “bad” not “death.” If the wages of sin is just “bad” then maybe porn might not be a problem, but if it’s “death” (as it was in the garden with just one stolen piece of fruit) then porn is a problem.
Now isn’t the time to be proud, or try and save face. If you’re engaged in a sin you just can’t seem to stop, you have a problem.
Confess the problems sin has been causing you.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. – 1 Pet 5:6-7
3. Confess the IMPACT of your porn problem.
Admitting you have a problem is HUGE, but sometimes we won’t move to correct a problem until we begin to realize it’s impact; the series of consequences that have resulted, are resulting, and will result from our porn problem.
For me, I realized I was resenting that my wife didn’t “perform” the way I thought she should based on the porn (and even the non-porn movies and TV) I was viewing. And you can bet my resentment didn’t inspire her to “perform” any “better.” Actually, I now recognize that the media had turned sex into a performance for me, instead of a free expression of my love for my wife and her love for me. In fact, porn was KILLING our love. (There’s that death again.)
What about you? What is the impact of your porn problem right now? What impact might it have on your future? Ruining your future marital sex life? Perhaps keep you from pursuing marriage at all? Maybe destroy your character, your reputation, or your testimony?
Just start confessing the impact and let God’s Holy Spirit show you more and more areas of your life that porn has impacted, is impacting and will impact: intimacy with Christ, emotional well-being, thought life, body image, relationships with the opposite sex.
Carry a list around with you and write down new realizations as they come to mind.
You’ll find the impact of porn on your life hasn’t just been negative, it’s been pervasive.
4. Confess your NEED for help in defeating your porn problem.
Ask Him to come in and do a full cleaning. Tell Him, “I Can’t Do This!” Don’t worry about looking inadequate. You are! And He already knew that.
But where we have failed, He has been FAITHFUL!
Where we are powerless, He is POWERFUL!
Where we are compromised, He is fully COMMITTED!
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. – Phil 1:6 (ESV)
This is what a full confession looks like. It’s not only what God is waiting for you to do, it’s what your heart of hearts longs to do.
Now what? We’ll talk about that next week, but if you truly confess, it’s likely God won’t leave you hanging until next week. He’s probably already told you the next step He wants you to take.
I urge you to take it. Right now even. Don’t wait!
Praying for you now, as I type the last words of this post.
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
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