Skip to main content

Register for RELATION^OLOGY in-person high school or young adult classes. Save 30% NOW!

This week the TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date returns and we pick up where we left off with #6: “I’m curious.” Though that motivation may not seem all that dumb at first glance, let us recall the ancient proverb: curiosity killed the cat.


Now at this point, you may be thinking:
1. I’m not a cat.
2. What’s wrong with curiosity?

Just this: it’s not sufficient reason for risking emotional pain, or causing it for someone else.

Does that come across over-dramatic? (Who’s talking about heartache? We’re only talking about a date!)

Come on now. Haven’t you heard of “falling in love?” Haven’t you heard that “you don’t choose who you fall in love with”? Try this exercise: reflect on all the unhappy couples you have known personally – past and present (go ahead and list them). My bet is that at some point in the relational history of each of those couples, they enjoyed a first date.

How many dates does it take to get to the disaster?

Once you finally realize your first date was a mistake, it’s often not so easy to “get out” of the relationship. Indeed, odds are you know at least one friend in a bad relationship who should get out as quickly as possible. But they don’t. Why? Because of all the crazy things that the brain chemistry of “love” (aka infatuation) does to your brain. What started out as an innocent curiosity soon necessitates serious counseling.

Still not convinced? History lesson time! Think back to where sin started: In Paradise (literally). What could go wrong?

Eve: “Hmmmm… so this fruit will make a person wise. That certainly piques a girl’s interest. Of course, I already am smarter than my man… but I suppose a little more couldn’t hurt.”

There was only one law to break (again, literally). But Eve was just… so… curioussssss. And when Adam saw Eve’s eyes were opened (metaphorically), he was curious too.

And thus curiosity successfully slew the figurative cat. Sound like any relationship you know? What would lead me to believe I’m uniquely immune to the danger of infatuation? Naiveté? Pride? 

You may not be able to choose who you fall in love with, but you do get to choose who you date. Do so carefully, not out of simple-minded curiosity.  

And what are you curious about anyway? Are you thinking any of these thoughts:

  • “Maybe he’s not such a bad guy after all.”
  • “Maybe she’ll fall for me.”
  • “Maybe we’ll get to make out.”
  • “Maybe we’ll find ourselves on the dance floor with the spotlight on just the two of us, and as the music crescendos while magic sparkle dust falls from the sky, we’ll look deeply into each other’s eyes and we’ll just… we’ll just… know.”
[Insert record needle scratch here.]

I loved those scenes growing up. And yes, I am a guy. A guy who wanted that moment to happen so badly. I wanted to win the girl on the dance floor, spinning amidst the sparkle dust, moving like Michael Jackson meets PSY (before there was PSY), and most assuredly making out afterwards. Well, what I wanted to do was have sex, but I knew that would be wrong so I was willing to settle for making out, believing my hormones would be thoroughly satiated after an hour or so of passionate lip-lock. (I was so naïve.)

As you probably already guessed, this wasn’t my story. I’ll share what really happened next week, but for now let me repeat my previous question: When it comes to dating, what are you curious about? Can you relate to any of the thoughts listed above? Do you have other scenes that play inside your head? What do these fantasies reveal about what you’re looking for in relationships?

DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

The LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, is written for the curious kitty in all of us. Check out the first two study 8-lesson study guides in our store. Walk through the whole series with a small group of same-gender friends and you’ll do far more than satiate your curiosity about sex dating and relationships.

Dug this weekend’s DNA? Tell your friends by liking or commenting on our FMU Facebook page or on your own Facebook page by clicking the button below. And subscribe to our RSS feed to know precisely when next week’s Date Night Advice hits cyberspace.

image source: