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Been rejected? On a date?

The post below (updated 6/7/23) was inspired by the TOP10 Signs You’re on a Bad First Date, which you can read at the previous hyperlink, or watch in the FMUniversity YouTube playlist below.

Been rejected? On a date?

Ever experienced something like this real life first date FAIL:

Your date keeps texting friends about plans for later that night after they’re done with you.

If so, I want to give you some critical perspective so you can rise above.

Rejection comes in many forms, but dating rejection can be brutal. People know you’re putting your heart out there. That’s why being treated with selfishness (“I’ve got to figure out what I’m doing after I get rid of this lame date.”) followed by downright insensitivity (“I’ll just go ahead and tell my date I want to be somewhere else.”) can be more painful than it would seem like it should be. After all, this is a first date. This person doesn’t even know you. Should their opinion matter?

Well it does. Because as human beings we long for little things like acceptance, encouragement, affirmation, respect, and love. And God made us to experience both these needs and their fulfillment. Unfortunately, due to sin, we often seek to satisfy our relational needs in one of two ways:


  1. Out of the desperation of our genuine brokenness, or…
  2. Out of the pride of an imagined entitlement

The result: one person sits down for a first date wondering, “Am I good enough?” across the table from someone thinking, “I could probably do better.” (Which person were you on your last date?)

So due to these legitimate longings, the opinion of other earthlings matters to you – even on a first date. But should it?

Should we seek to meet critical relational needs on first dates with people we don’t know?

Here’s something I’ve learned over my 50+ years on this planet: not everyone likes me.  Whew. That was painful to type. I don’t like it. I can hardly believe it at times, but that’s a true statement.

Want to hear something even more painful? (If you don’t, this is your cue to stop reading.)

Not everyone is going to like you either.


Was that painful to read?

It shouldn’t be, because there are far too many broken and puffed-up people in the world to worry about everyone liking you. The broken people don’t even like themselves and the puffed-up people can hardly like anyone, but themselves.

This is why I implore you to abandon the ill-conceived practice of going out with people you don’t know (and who don’t know you). And if you insist on doing so, you need to grow tougher skin.

I truly hope that doesn’t come across ungracious. I care about you. I mean, of course I don’t even necessarily know you – but for crying out loud – I’ve published over 400 Date Night Advice posts for some reason. Why do you think that is?

Because my heart goes out to those looking for a life partner in this fallen world. If that’s you, I sincerely want to help, but as much as I’d love for you to find “that special someone,” much more I’m praying you’ll come to the point where you believe and walk in this truth wholeheartedly:

The acceptance of a new love interest pales in comparison to the love of a God who died for you. Even the covenant of a precious marriage partner pales in comparison.

(Go ahead, and read that statement again. Then read Romans 8.) If you let it, the implications of this one truth will set you free to endure the rejection of man (or woman).

So, relax! You don’t need to wow anybody on a first date. You don’t even need to get a date.

Take it from someone who did date and eventually marry his “special someone,” almost 30 years ago.

Her love is amazing.

God’s love is sustaining.

Her love is wonderful.

God’s love is unfathomable.

Her love is rich.

His love is beyond all riches.

But if you won’t believe me, if you won’t abide in God’s love, your soul will be relentlessly driven to find that same kind of love in another fallen soul. And every first date rejection will mean you can’t have it. As will every break-up. All the while, your God who actually knows rejection personally longs to comfort and fill you like only He can.

I pray that’s enough encouragement for you this week. In this post we continue with more help in dealing with rejection. For now, I pray you will rest in the arms of the one wread ho promises to never leave you nor forsake you.

A dating life that leads to a life-giving, lifelong marriage doesn’t happen by accident. You need to know what you’re doing.

That’s why I wrote Date Like You Know What You’re Doing to empower you to:

  • Discern God’s will for your dating life.
  • Avoid heartbreak, rejection, and regret.
  • Date with confidence and clarity.
  • Win the war over sexual temptation.
  • Let your marriage hopes inspire, instead of impede your dating life.

Learn more here!