I’m a breakup coach.
That means that I am who you talk to when you have been dumped and want to make your ex miss you and want you back.
I speak to a lot of hurting people. It’s fulfilling because I am able to help the majority get their ex back. However, it can be frustrating because I fear that the emotional and character issues that caused the breakup in the first place may cause another one down the road.
If only they had been able to work on themselves before they started dating this person. Perhaps the two of them would be headed toward engagement or marriage instead of breaking up.
Make Yourself a Great Boyfriend or Girlfriend NOW
There’s always better.
It applies to nearly everything in life. So as you seek a boyfriend or girlfriend, work on yourself in the following areas:
#1: Great Relationships
Spend time with family and friends. Make those relationships stronger and make memories with them. They are more likely to be long term than dating partners.
Plus, by interacting with them, you develop and polish your skills of conversation and humor, while becoming a better listener. Those things are important aspects to being a good boyfriend or girlfriend and, later, a good husband or wife.
Then, when you are dating, you should continue to cultivate those relationships. No single person should be your entire world or sole source of fulfillment. That’s when you become obsessed and co-dependent on the other person. Not only is this emotionally unhealthy, it can make a breakup even more traumatic.
In contrast, an emotionally healthy person has other relationships where they feel loved, safe, included, and important.
Many people are surprised to learn that…
Making one person your entire world is not an attractive trait.
Though Hollywood might portray that type of relationship as a romantic dream, it actually pushes the other person away and often causes them to breakup with you.
The healthiest dating couples have separate friends, hobbies, and passions. Those things can become shared and the other person become more of a focus of your life after marriage, but until you get to that point, it can push the other person away and actually prevent it from occurring.
#2: Goals and Passions in Life That Don’t Directly Involve Your BF/GF
People who are passionate and driven are usually very attractive people to potential romantic partners.
When a man is working toward a goal, be it getting a business to a viable state, getting a degree, completing a project, etc., women usually find him more attractive than if his sole focus in life is on them.
Part of this reason, to simplify it, is that the woman already has herself. So what would she have to gain if all that a man wants and aspires to in life is her? The same is true when the genders are reversed.
Again, it seems to sound romantic and poetic, but I can tell you from working with countless breakups, it’s just not the case. It’s not attractive.
Make Yourself A Better Catch
There’s a saying among relationship experts and that is, “If you want better fish, use better bait.”
Without turning that into something shallow, we can draw a healthy conclusion. Work on your future relationship right now by working on yourself. After all, you represent half of the relationship!
You can avoid lots of heartbreak in the future by working on yourself now.
Learn that you should not expect any single person to be your total world. Human life should incorporate multiple relationships including family, friends, and the Creator. Your mind and spirit were not meant to have a single relationship but several.
The partner you are seeking should be a great compliment to your life, perhaps even the greatest human compliment to your life, but he or she can’t complete it.
If you simply have a solid grasp of the things I’ve mentioned in this article, you are way ahead of most people and are on your way to a healthy relationship that will, hopefully, have far more smiles and laughs than tears and heartache. But even at that, no relationship will ever be perfect.
In fact, expectations of perfection in the other person or the relationship itself keep me in business. Don’t fall for it.
[Coach Lee is a relationship coach who helps people get their ex back after a breakup. His website is MyExBackCoach.com. Was this guest post helpful? Please let Coach Lee know in the comment section below and then check out his website.]DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
Dug this weekend’s DNA? Be a good friend and share with your friends on the social media platform of choice: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, or Twitter.
The LoveEd discipleship series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE you fall in love!
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.
Even better? And ask a rock star married couple you respect to lead it!
