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How do you know someone is “the one”?

If that question weighs heavy on your mind, I can help lift that burden. Quite a bit!

Of course, I can’t actually pick “the one” for you from a lineup.

Not for free anyway.

I’m kidding. I couldn’t even do it for cash.

Unless the price was right.

Seriously though, here’s what I can do.

I am going to make the task of finding “the one” infinitely easier, by sharing with you the TOP10 signs someone is NOT “the one.”

Just think of this TOP10 as your “No! They are NOT ‘the one.'” checklist, because, come on! “The One” checklist you’ve cooked up in your head (boys) or chronicled in your journal (girls) is ridiculous! I mean you detail everything including:

  • Body type – Prefect 10! (Or at least a 9.67)
  • Earning potential – Gates Foundation level
  • IQ – Genius (but humble about it)
  • Christlikeness – Ah. Well. Christ. (Billy Graham might be passable.)
  • Sexual compatibility – LOTS (PLEASE!)

No wonder you haven’t found “the one” yet! Not even Jesus Himself could measure up.

So simplify your life, and make sure “the one” you have your eye on does not exhibit any of these characteristics:

#10: They have an interest in World Wrestling Entertainment which would be considered “excessive” at best. But is really more disturbing than that.

They even ask you to call them “Bone Saw.”

Don’t call them anything. Call your mom, phone a friend and alert the police.

They are NOT “the one.”

Get out of that dating ring, before they put you in a Tarantula (see picture), or some other “submission hold.” (I’m having fun here, but let me be serious when I say you should NEVER feel unsafe on a date.)

[For great questions to help you learn your dates interests, click here.]


9: They’re not only a Trekkie. They’re actually going through the process of transitioning to a Vulcan.

So they like Star Trek. Not a problem.

But if, your date confides in you anything like, “I don’t believe I’m actually Captain Kirk incarnate, but I have taken on his mantle,” they’re not talking about mere interest anymore. They’re talking about their identity.

You need to pay close attention to where your date derives their identity and if it’s incongruent with where you find your own identity, know this: they are NOT “the one.”

Hit warp drive and move onto a different dating galaxy.

[For great questions to help you discover where your date finds their identity, click here.]


#8: They test the physical boundaries you agreed upon, like a child who keeps running out in the street. Blindfolded.

Dating someone who doesn’t share your same values is like acting in a play with someone who’s reading from a different script. Your relationship will prove interesting, but it will never make sense in the end.

Does it make sense to date someone like that? No it doesn’t. So don’t.

Plus, pushing someone to compromise their values is never loving. It’s selfish. I know it may feel like love, but really it’s just desire. And there’s a big difference. (Check out this episode from our LoveEd video blog to find out just how big a difference.)

If you’re a donut, then you can be content with being desired, but if you’re an image-bearer of the living God, you need to understand God wants more for you than a lover who wants to consume you like so many empty calories. They’re NOT “the one.”

[If you want to avoid your next mistake, you want to click here and learn how to prioritize shared values.]


#7: The only convictions you learn they have are on their criminal record.

If you can’t tell what the person you “like like” stands for, that’s not a good sign.

But it is a sign: they’re not “the one.”

And you’re not “the one” for them either, because the only one someone with no true convictions needs is Jesus.

Yes. I’m sure they’re sweet. And they want to change. Blah, blah, blah.

Look. Don’t fall for the smooth criminal, just because they can moonwalk like Michael Jackson. And don’t try to save them either. Save yourself!

[For great questions to empower you to learn your date’s convictions, click here.]


#6: Forget about 29 dimensions of compatibility. You don’t even share 2.9.

Compatibility doesn’t mean you need to be twins who can read each other’s minds and finish each other’s sandwiches. In fact, I think it’s still illegal to marry your sibling, and that would include any twin you may have. So if you’re directly related to them, they’re not “the one.”

On the other hand, if the only time you feel true compatibility is when you’re making out, they’re not “the one” either. They may be “the one who makes you feel really good in the moment,” but they’ll also wind up being “the one who makes you feel really foolish in the end” for mistaking lust for love.

[To understand the proper balance of compatibility click here.]

I know I promised a TOP10, but that’s enough for this post.

In fact, if you’re dying to read more right now there are plenty of other fine Date Night Advice (DNA) posts hyperlinked above, so if you haven’t already, click one of them and keep reading.

Then come back next week for the exciting conclusion to this post, featuring the TOP5 Signs Someone is NOT “The One.”

Date Night Advice (DNA) series: What Marriage Vows Cannot Vow
Part 12: Marriage Vows Cannot Vow to Change Them
Click here for the next post in the series.

DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

Dug this weekend’s DNA? Be a good friend and share with your friends on the social media platform of choice: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, or Twitter.

The LoveEd discipleship series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE you fall in love!

It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.

Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.

Even better?  And ask a rock star married couple you respect to lead it!