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It’s our favorite night of the year! An Evening With FMU. RSVP here.

[We’re in the middle of our online class for Relation^ology. If you want to start at the beginning, click here. Otherwise, read the six posts linked below (if you like, invite a couple friends to do the same and discuss with them) and then share your thoughts and questions with us.]

dna-cool kidsWhether you’ve wished you could be like the cool kids or whether you’d just like to understand them, this weekend’s Date Night Advice is for you.


Simple. We’re talking about what the cool kids have that makes them seem to fit in:

But the reason we’re talking about these qualities isn’t just because they are possessed in abundance by cool kids everywhere. It’s because they are also our next two intimacy impostors.

The fact is, both influence and exclusivity can make you feel oh so important, but can also keep you oh so far away from the healthy, life-giving intimacy your soul craves. They do this by making sure people know your name. But without ever truly knowing you.

Influence or Control

Made in the image of a creator, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that we’re driven to create. And no creator wants to do so unnoticed, so this inclination predisposes us to want to leave a mark in our tiny corner of the sphere. (Which begs the question, “Do spheres have corners?”)

However, if we’re not careful, this natural, God-given desire to influence those around us can easily devolve into simply wanting to control them. (Or at least I hear it does that with some people.)

1: So You Want to Make a Difference?

What if your desire to impact the world holds the potential to sabotage your future marriage?

In this post we share a story where it is doing just that; a story where a cool (adult) kid is influencing his city, while he gives up on his marriage. Beware the intimacy impostor of influence!

2: The First Step to Changing the World

Not only does this post share the first step to changing the world, it shares the first step to changing your relationships. It will also help you grow in true intimacy, whether you fit in with the cool kids or not.

3: Stop Acting Like You Work for Dunder Mifflin

You don’t have to watch a single episode of The Office to know about the back-stabbing nature of corporate politics. You’ve probably seen enough back-stabbing in your own family. That’s not cool.

When we read about David (The Giant Killer) in scripture, we see that, though no one tried to stab him in the back, his boss tried to stab him in the chest (twice). That’s not cool either.

Find out in this post what enabled David to keep cool, calm and collected in spite of the limits of his influence and control. Maybe it will help you too.

Exclusivity or Commitment

What drives us to want to want to be IN: IN a fraternity or IN the club or IN the year book or IN a relationship?

And who cares?

Maybe not the cool kids. They’re just happy to be IN. But you should care if you’re a wise individual who doesn’t want the desire for exclusivity to drive you away from true intimacy.

1: Do You Long to Join the IN Crowd?

Cool kids actually derive a large part of their identity and purpose from EXCLUSIVITY. And when they do, they prevent themselves from grasping their unique identity and purpose.


Because exclusivity isn’t just an intimacy impostor. It’s the anti-intimacy. And we talk about that in this post.

2: The Rules of Proximity

If pursuing exclusive relationships will work to exclude us from the intimate relationships we need, why are we driven to pursue them? What’s cool about that?

And could the church become one of the most common places where exclusivity can replace intimacy?

Ask any former cool church kid you know, like Josh Duggar. Or read this post.

3: Is Marriage for You?

Marriage never set out to be cool, but marriage was actually the original exclusive institution. Even still, marriage is supposed to be about commitment; NOT exclusivity.

Sadly, our culture’s failure to understand both the nature of that commitment and the need for that commitment has resulted in half of the adult population living single today, as more choose hooking up, cohabitation and divorce over a life-giving, life-long marriage.

In this post, we try to reveal both the incredible beauty and imperative need for marriage; both for the individual and society.

In fact, it’s immanence demands advance preparation. Are you ready?

What’s Next?

Next week we present our next intimacy impostor. But, let us know your thoughts after reading through the posts in this lesson. Does it answer questions? Raise new ones? Bring understanding? Bring home the bacon? (Bacon’s cool.) Comment below!

DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

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The LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE! It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. Check out the first two 8-lesson study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better?  And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!