Last month I had the privilege of conducting a workshop at the NARME 19 Summit (National Association of Relationship and Marriage Education) entitled How Porn is Keeping Men from Marriage. One of the attendees followed up with a few questions via text and I thought you might appreciate hearing our interchange edited into the form of an interview about freedom from porn.
Interviewer: I told my daughter about your workshop on the impact pornography is having on men. She said women watch porn too. Even Christian couples are watching it.
MJ: It is very sad.
It’s tragic for something like sex, which God made so beautiful and precious, to be degraded into something so base and even destructive.
Interviewer: How long was your addiction and how long did it take you to quit?
MJ: Well clinically-speaking it would never have been considered an addiction, but my foray into internet porn lasted between four and five months. After that I spent two years where I couldn’t access it at all. Then we changed the restrictions, so I would need to exercise my own self control.
That said, it’s pretty sobering when you consider that I felt the need to spend two years where I simply couldn’t get to porn, when I had spent less than 6 months under its grip. Someone who has experienced years of regular porn use should expect to take far more than two years to build up their immunity to its lies.
Interviewer: Wow, for someone who only watched porn for 4-5 months, it took two years to completely quit it!
MJ: To be more clear, I quit porn cold turkey after that initial 4-5 months. I never looked at it after that, but that’s only because we made it so I couldn’t get to porn at all. So really it took two years before I felt ready to resist it on my own.
Sadly, what I have observed is that most people are not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to completely cut off their access to porn. What this means is they can never get that “forced freedom” which would allow them to experience what it feels like to be away from porn.
If they would make those sacrifices, more people would find out what I did, which is porn wasn’t worth it. Freedom was much much much better!
Interviewer: When you say “to resist it on my own”, do you mean you can remove the barriers to porn and resist the urge to click?
MJ: Yes. That is true of me today. That has been true of me since that initial 2-years where I couldn’t access it, so that’s about 16 years.
Interviewer: So are you not attracted to it at all anymore, or is it still attractive to you, but you have the power to resist?
MJ: The second option, and that’s a good way of saying it.
The enduring peace I receive from a clean mind and heart beats any pleasure I got from viewing pornography.
I know I could always fall again. It’s allure is powerful, but I know what I would be giving up and I don’t want to give that up.
And that’s the catch: most guys looking at porn today simply cannot imagine how good it would feel to be free from it for even a year, much less the 18 years I’ve enjoyed being free from it.
If they knew the freedom I’ve enjoyed, it’s very likely they would know the self-control I possess. They go together. God’s ways truly are so much higher than man’s ways.
Interviewer: One man told me becoming a Christian helped him quit. Makes me wonder if Holy Spirit would enhance the function of prefrontal cortex
MJ: I believe the Holy Spirit can enhance whatever he wants to enhance.
As for me, I would completely attribute my success and freedom to the Holy Spirit. Without him I wouldn’t even desire a relationship with God. And without that relationship my soul would long desperately for things like porn.
Interviewer: I would like to hear more about that.
Would you like to hear more about how the Holy Spirit could fill you in such a way that your desire for whatever your sin of choice is, might diminish? Let me know and if we continue the conversation above I will be glad to share.
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
Dug this weekend’s DNA? Be a good friend and share with your friends on the social media platform of choice: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, or Twitter.
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