Date Night Advice (DNA) Series: The Porn Posts
Post 4
It’s one thing to confess to the God who already knew all along about your sin. The God who promises to respond to true confession not only with forgiveness, but with understanding, grace, mercy, hope, and peace.
Now it’s time to confess to someone else; perhaps someone who doesn’t already know about your problem. Someone who may not understand. Someone who may be hurt, disappointed, or even angry. Perhaps someone who may never forgive you.
I know you don’t want to, but you really do, if you want to be free, because…
Freedom always comes with a price.
Christ may have paid the price for Your freedom from sin (and He did), but the way we appropriate that payment is to confess and repent. Not just before God, but to one another.
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit. – James 5:16-18
Who’s your Elijah? What brother or sister in Christ needs to know about your porn problem and have the privilege of praying for your healing? Prayerfully consider!
And don’t delay to tell them, because sin thrives in darkness, but dies in the light (John 3:16-21 and 1 John 1:5-8).
It’s tempting to think it would be better to take care of your sin without anyone knowing, but what benefit is there in that. I mean, other than your reputation?
Of course we tell ourselves we don’t want to disappoint or hurt the people who are closest to us, but don’t you see – that’s already happened. When I found myself ensnared by porn seven years into my marriage, I already was disappointing and hurting Julie, my wife and best friend. I was being unfaithful and untrue. I was living a lie.
Sure. She didn’t know until I told her, but her ignorance did not make the porn impotent. To the contrary, it made it irresistible. And hiding a secret from those who are closest to you will never bring you closer. The “fig leaf” solution is no solution.
You can be sure, confessing to my wife was extremely painful for us both, but it was that very painful confession that began to lose porn’s hold on my life. And, in the end, it was incredibly life-giving for our relationship. Before my confession, Julie thought she could trust me, when in reality I was deceiving her. Now, years later, she has far greater evidence that she can trust me, because she knows I am willing to share with her my deepest struggles, in spite of how bad it may make me look and how much it may make her hurt.
And imagine the alternative! If I wouldn’t have told her back then, my porn would have told on me eventually.
Didn’t you hear?
Mark my words. That sin which whispers, “Don’t tell anyone,” is just waiting for the perfect opportunity to tell on you.
And there goes that reputation you were so worried about.
Forget about your reputation and focus on your character. Tell on porn before it tells on you.
What then? I’ll talk more specifically about that next week, but if you’ll humble yourself before then (perhaps even right now) and tell that person (or persons) you know God’s Spirit has told you to tell, you may not need to read anymore posts on porn. After all, porn isn’t an internet problem solved by an internet blog. It’s a relational problem solved in the context of healthy authentic relationships.
Praying for you again, right now. Believing God’s at work, even if you can’t see Him.
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
Dug this weekend’s DNA? Be a good friend and share with your friends on the social media platform of choice: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, or Twitter.
The LoveEd discipleship series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE you fall in love!
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.
Even better? And ask a rock star married couple you respect to lead it!
