Should you make out or NOT make out on a date?
An astute question it is imperative to answer accurately. Even more so, if you want to win the battle for sexual integrity in your dating life.
Will pursuing physical intimacy:
- Help you date with more clarity, confidence, and courage?
…or…
- Lead to more heartbreak, rejection, and regret?
The LoveEd video above will address that question as it helps you think through your interest in making out. But read below for just the proverbial tip of the metaphorical iceberg of relational wisdom regarding physical intimacy which we’ve packed into our book and video curriculum, Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide.
Date to Enjoy Verbal Intercourse
If a life-giving, lifelong marriage is not something you desire, or if it’s something you desire but doubt you will ever enjoy, then why not follow your passions and engage in as much sexual intercourse as you can get?
However, if you believe in marriage, if marriage is not only something you desire and believe you can attain, but believe it is a mission you’re likely called to, then you have much to lose by engaging in premarital sexual intimacy. If marriage is your goal, then you need to focus all of your pursuit of intimacy on the conversational kind and engage in as much verbal intercourse as you can!
Why Verbal and Sexual Intercourse Don’t Mix
Let’s be honest here. Once you’ve held hands for the first time with someone you are crazy about, you want to hold hands all the time. And once you’ve kissed for the first time, you want to kiss more often, and longer, and with more than your lips. And then you want to kiss more than each other’s lips. Like elbows.
Bottom line, once you’ve begun to engage in romantic or sexual intimacy in any form, it has the tendency of taking over the relationship.
So eros love doesn’t only compellingly draw you downstream toward the waterfall of sexual bliss, it also tends to rapidly overflow its banks, flooding other parts of your relationship.
In other words, there’s an opportunity cost for every decision we make.
The True Opportunity Cost of Making Out
There’s an opportunity cost to spending your dating life pursuing physical intimacy; even if you keep your make-out sessions PG-13. Or even PG.
If you’re not familiar with the concept, an “opportunity cost” is an economic term which recognizes the loss of benefits that takes place whenever you make a choice. Namely, making any particular choice in the moment means the following:
- You must forgo all other opportunities in that moment of decision.
- You must forgo all the potential benefits you could have derived from taking advantage of those other opportunities in that moment.
This is the economic science behind the fear of missing out. It’s what keeps you from committing to a Bible study in case you might get an invite to a party the same night. It’s what keeps you from making up your mind at a new restaurant with a big menu. It’s what keeps you from deciding to pursue a dating relationship with one person, when there are so many other persons of interest in your life.
So if you are determined to go with the inevitable flow of physical intimacy—even if you stop before you “go too far”—what’s the opportunity cost?
Think about it. While you’re exploring your date’s body, what are you not doing?
You’re not growing in the knowledge of your date’s soul. That’s who they truly are! Not a hot body filled with hormones, but a sacred soul filled with hopes, fears, dreams, regrets, joys, and sorrows. We’re talking about the part of a person that can grow more bold and beautiful with age, while time and gravity take their toll on the body.
Now if you’re sexually involved, making out, or simply madly in love with someone, you may already feel like you are soul mates, but a soul isn’t something you feel, it’s something you know. So date to enjoy verbal intercourse!
[The above post is an excerpt right from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. I wrote it to empower YOU to grow spiritually and date wisely so you can marry well. Check out the book and video curriculum here. Or watch this video and THEN click the previous link.]
