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The 10 Secrets of Sex

When it comes to the topic of sex, there’s a lot of information (and even more opinion) floating out there (not to mention pornography), but in this post we’ll address the topic from a practical, Biblical perspective. as we reveal the 10 Secrets of Sex.

I pray (and truly believe) at least one of these secrets will bring a deeper understanding of human sexuality, but you’ll want to follow the appropriate hyperlinks where they lead to read further, and understand more clearly.

Secret #1: Sex is Not Bad.

By “not bad” I don’t mean to say that sex is actually pretty enjoyable. I mean to say that sex is not evil.

Perhaps that’s not the impression you got from “the talk” your parents gave you or the purity class you took at church. Regardless, sex is not bad, but it is dangerous. This is one of the reasons scripture commands that the marriage bed be held in honor among all (Hebrews 13:4). Fully understanding this secret will help you save sex for marriage.

Secret #2: The Sexual Purity Paradox

This is the secret behind why so many conservative Christians abandon their faith to embrace their sexual freedom. If you’d like to understand this process of falling away, or if you don’t want to become the next deconstructor you need to get a handle on this paradox.

Secret #3: Sex is a Conversation

Sex is not some specific act or set of acts that you want to wait for your wedding night to enjoy. It’s a whole way of relating to someone that should be reserved for your marriage partner.

Those who fail to live in the light of this secret, will struggle with sexual temptation needlessly.

Secret #4: Sexual Gratification is not a Recreational Activity

The Apostle Paul tells us to FLEE sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18-20), but our culture encourages us – yea verily, compels us – to FREE sexual immorality.

How does it do that?

By reducing sex down to a mere recreational activity. But this secret empowers you to understand how sex, while often quite enjoyable, is so much more than that. And should be treated accordingly.

Secret #5: Watch What You Watch

Jesus warns us that the eye is the lamp of the body (Luke 11:34-35).

If you do not live according to this secret, you will forever wonder why you so easily fall into sexual sin.

Secret #6: Logic ≠ Legalism

Some people say they are holding to sexual purity, when they’re really holding to moral legalism. All the while, what they really need is logic.

Well, we need a lot of things like grace and self-control, but, as Solomon so clearly points out in Proverbs 7:7-9, logic is usually what’s missing from the sexual purity strategy of many well-intentioned couples.

This secret is all about grasping the logic behind sexual purity.

Secret #7: Sexual compatibility is a red herring

Speaking of logic, Christian couples often logically wonder how they’re supposed to know they’ll be sexually compatibility with the person they marry if they marry as sexually-inexperienced virgins.

This secret is not about how to determine sexual compatibility, but about how much to actually care about it. And how the preoccupation with sexual compatibility distracts the attention of couples away from discerning far greater potential incompatibilities than sexual. Incompatibilities that will doom a marriage, regardless of how great the sex is.

Secret #8: Type-M Sex is Better than Type-H Sex

What is type-H sex? The kind promoted by Hollywood.

What is type-M sex? The kind you can enjoy in marriage.

This secret points out that, while the sex promoted in Hollywood may look good, it’s not real. Even if the people in a particular scene are actually having sex, it’s still being performed for an audience.

But real sex wasn’t made for an audience. Real sex was made for marriage.

Secret #9: Performance Kills Intimacy… All Intimacy.

If you feel you have to perform for someone else, you can’t be your true self. And if they feel a need to perform for you, they can’t be their true self either. Can you see how this would thwart your ability to enjoy sex in marriage?

This secret encourages you to set sex free from the performance mentality. Because true lovers don’t perform in bed. They connect.

Secret #10: The Law of the Harvest Always Proves True

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. – Gal 6:7-8

That’s the law of the harvest. And it always proves true. Though often much later… and much more. Which means the consequences of your sexual sin might take a while to catch up with you. But. They. Will.

If you’d like to enjoy sex inside a life-giving, lifelong marriage, you want to live according to this secret, making the right choices and sowing the right seed.


A dating life that leads to a life-giving, lifelong marriage doesn’t happen by accident. You need to know what you’re doing.

That’s why I wrote Date Like You Know What You’re Doing to empower you to:

  • Discern God’s will for your dating life.
  • Avoid heartbreak, rejection, and regret.
  • Date with confidence and clarity.
  • Win the war over sexual temptation.
  • Let your marriage hopes inspire, instead of impede your dating life.

Learn more here!