Are you looking for a lover? You know: that person who will change the entire course of your earthly existence. Forever.
Even if they wind up leaving you after 500 days of Summer. Or winter. Ice. Cold. Winter.
If so, know this, great lovers don’t stay together forever. True friends do. Even better, true friends can wind up being fantastic lovers too (though it’s never about that)!
However, when I was in the dating scene (back when a text was a collection of pages bound together with words printed on them) I was looking to fall in love. More accurately, I was desperately trying to get a pretty girl to fall in love with me. I was looking for a great lover; not a true friend. I wasn’t too different from Tom Hansen of Margate, New Jersey, who grew up believing that he’d never truly be happy until the day he met “the one.”
But by God’s grace, I woke up one day to the realization that a friend I had known for over 900 days was actually the lover I was looking for. She agreed and so I married her.
That was almost 22 years ago.
That sure beats 500 days. Eh?
Of course, that’s our story, but you tell me. Who do you want to wake up next to after 22 years of marriage:
A: Someone who’s a tomcat in the sack, but who you have learned you can’t trust, respect or even like? (And keep in mind, no matter how amazing they still look, they’re going to be 22 years older.)
B: Someone who has proven themselves faithful through the years, and still thinks you’re funny? (And keep in mind, no matter how good they are in bed, you’ll have spent infinitely more hours with them in out-of-bed situations like getting ready for work, shopping, housework and eating.)
So how do you find a true friend? Here are some quick tips for recognizing them:
A true friend doesn’t ask you to give them something precious, like your body. They give you something precious, like their word.
A true friend is patient. Not impulsive when it comes to important things.
A true friend respects what’s important to you.
A true friend will want to serve you, not seduce you.
A true friend will not ask you to cheat with them.
A true friend would never ask you to give them something that didn’t belong to them.
A true friend is kind. Not kinda pushy.
A true friend will not treat lightly what is precious.
A true friend is selfless. Not self-seeking.
A true friend doesn’t say, “If you loved me you would,” but, “But because I love you I won’t.”
A true friend will not take advantage of your feelings for them.
A true friend wants to get to know you better. Not get to know you nakeder.
A true friend will honor your convictions. Not try to break them down.
A true friend will want to heal your heart more than handle your body.
A true friend will want to help you, not help themselves to you.
A true friend doesn’t ask you to prove your love to them. They prove THEIR love to you.
A true friend will not ask you to give them what you owe your future spouse.
A true friend will want to take on your concerns. Not take off your clothes.
A true friend will be content to admire your beauty, not try to acquire your beauty.
A true friend will urge you to seek righteousness, not tempt you to sin.
A true friend will give up things for you. Not ask you to give it up.
A true friend will guard your heart. Not grope your body.
A true friend will prize your purity. Not your private parts.
A true friend respects the word, “no.”
A true friend doesn’t ask you to forget when they fail you. They ask for your forgiveness. And then they live as if they were truly sorry.
A true friend doesn’t use their sensuality to keep you coming back for more.
A true friend will want to hold your heart. Not handle your hind end.
A true friend will share your beliefs. Not steal from your body.
A true friend will seek to understand you. Not undress you.
A true friend doesn’t make you compromise your standards. They help you keep them.
A true friend will desire to listen to you. Not just look at you.
A true friend will want to look out for you more than make out with you.
A true friend respects property rights.
A true friend will keep their hands off your assets. Until they have a right to them.
A true friend doesn’t ask you to keep secrets from your other true friends.
A true friend doesn’t necessarily give you what you want. They give you what you need.
A true friend will treat you like a treasure worth protecting. Not one worth plundering.
A true friend will want to honor you, not just have you.
A true friend will want to talk with you. Not just touch you.
A true friend doesn’t make excuses. They make amends.
A true friend doesn’t get you drunk, to get their way.
A true friend will want to take on your troubles. Not take off your trousers.
A true friend will bring out the best in you. Not the beast in you.
A true friend will want you to hang with your other friends. Not isolate you.
A true friend will not ask for your body, before they give you their heart. Forever.
Many of the hyperlinks above feature short YouTube videos from our LoveEd series, TOP10 Benefits of Saving Sex for Marriage. Click here to watch the whole series from the start.
Every True Friend quote above has been shared as Inspiration for Saving Sex on both:
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DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
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The LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE! It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. Check out the first two 8-lesson study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better? And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!
