Is Abstinence God’s Will for Your Dating Life? The church at Corinth had seen so much sexual brokenness in their culture they asked the Apostle Paul whether everyone – married folks included – should abstain from sex?
The video above shares Paul’s answer to them… and us.
God’s Will for Your Dating Life
Would you like to know God’s will for your dating life?
I mean, for real? And not only for your dating life, but do you simply want to know His will?
Fortunately, our God wants us to know His will even more than we want to know it. In fact, three verses in the Bible explicitly declare, “This is the will of God.” And though dating wasn’t even a thing in Bible times, one of those verses proffers a very clear direction for your dating life. (I guess you could say God is pretty forward-thinking.)
For this is the will of God, your sanctification … —1 Thessalonians 4:3a ESV
There it is in black and white. God’s will is our sanctification. That means our purity, purification, or holiness.
So, the next natural question is, “How do you date in a pure and holy way?”
Well, we don’t have to wonder for long, for Paul clarifies it in the following verses, beginning with the second half of the verse we just read.
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality … —1 Thessalonians 4:3 ESV (emphasis mine)
Paul says if we truly want to follow God’s will, we will abstain from sexual immorality. The Greek word for “sexual immorality” is “porneia.” It’s the root word of “pornography,” and refers to any sexual activity outside of marriage. Can you see what this has to do with dating?
Sexual Purity Is Bigger Than Abstinence
Put simply, if you want to follow the will of God in your dating life, you will save sex for marriage. But Paul doesn’t just leave us with a “no-no,” he wants us to catch a vision for how we should live our lives, and therefore how we should date.
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor … —1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 ESV (emphasis mine)
Wow. That’s a grander picture of God’s will, isn’t it? He’s not just asking us to refrain from certain naughty things, He’s calling us up to become a certain kind of person. Not just a non-naughty person, but a person of true integrity, someone who knows “how to control his own body in holiness and honor.” Is that a tall order? Yes. Indeed, if you do not have God’s Holy Spirit inside you, I believe it’s an impossible order. However, I also find it inspiring.
The Biblical Sexual Standard Has Always Seemed “Unrealistic”
Regardless of anyone’s opinion, let me put one myth to death right here and now—the myth that the moral standards of scripture are no longer applicable because past cultures were somehow less “progressive” than we are today.
On the contrary, according to this passage, the culture in Paul’s day wasn’t any more chaste than ours is now.
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God … —1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 ESV (emphasis mine)
I guess you could say that those “who do not know God” have always lived their lives “in the passion of lust.” And in Jesus’ day, they managed to live so without the prevalence of internet porn.
So if Paul’s words applied back then, they apply to us today. Put simply, those who know God should act very differently from those who do not, whenever in history or wherever in the world they find themselves.
Do you really want to know God’s will? Well, this is obviously a pretty big deal to Him. And if you’re still not convinced, let’s continue reading after verse 5:
… that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you. —1 Thessalonians 4:6-8 ESV
Sex Is NOT Bad
The understandable (but completely wrong) conclusion many come to from reading about sex in the Bible is that sex is bad.
But let’s remember who came up with the whole idea! Our Creator!
Take note, this passage from 1 Thessalonians 4 (along with all the many passages like it) is not condemning sex. These passages condemn sexual sin.
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God, that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you. —1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 ESV
So, it’s not sex that is bad, but sexual sin that is bad.
Consider fire. Is fire good or bad?
- Fire in the fireplace of your home: Good!
- Fire in the bedroom of your home: Bad!
Is atomic energy good or bad?
- Atomic energy supplying power to your house: Good!
- Atomic energy dropped on top of your house: Bad!
So the reality is this: Sex is far more than good! It is wonderful, powerful, and dangerous.
And it is this “dangerous” element that makes sexual sin so destructive.
[The above post is an excerpt right from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. I wrote it to empower YOU to grow spiritually and date wisely so you can marry well. Check out the book and video curriculum here. Or watch this video and THEN click the previous link.]
