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[updated: 11/6/18]

In an internet survey conducted a few years back, we asked people to share their fears in regards to marriage. Can you identify with any of these thoughts?

“That I will become like my mother and father; a lifeless marriage, only going through the motions.”

“That he will not be as committed.”

“I fear that my future wife will get bored with me about 3 years in, and leave me for someone more exciting.”

“Failure, and letting someone that close to the ‘real me.'”

“Just not being able to succeed.”

As badly as you want to fall in love, are you afraid of failing in love? Are you afraid you’ll finally say, “I do,” only for you or your future spouse to “lose that loving feeling?”

Could this anxiety be crippling your dating life? Could the fear of relational failure (rejection, hostility, indifference, abandonment) be thwarting the peace of some of your other important relationships? Of all of them?

Blessed one, I believe Jesus wants you to let go of your fear of losing love, once and for all, because TRUE love is something you can never lose.

In John 14-16 we read the weighty words of Jesus after His last supper and prior to his crucifixion. It was His final charge; his parting message of encouragement. I shared some choice verses from this passage last week (Love is not Something You Earn), but this week I want to share his very last words to the disciples He’s leaving behind (that includes us, by the way):

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

How can Jesus offer peace if immediately afterward He promises, “You will have tribulation”?

To be more pointed, how can you have peace if you’re still waiting for your first date? How can you have peace if you’re agonizing over whether the person you’re dating is, “the one?” How can you have peace if “the one” winds up being the “the one that got away?” How can you have peace if after three or 13 or 30 years of marriage you find out your spouse is tired of you. Or cheating on you? OR BOTH?


TRUE love is not a feeling. It is a real person – Jesus – and He has already overcome!

Any and every earthly lover will let you down at some point – many points – and rest assured you’ll return the favor, but Jesus’ love can sustain you through it. You may not be able to count on your lover, but you can count on your Lord.

Struggling to believe that?

I understand! And so do the original disciples!

That’s right! The original twelve struggled to believe Jesus could bring meaning out of the madness of their lives. In fact, one would take his life shortly after Jesus said the words above. And why wouldn’t they struggle to believe?!

After all, Jesus announced, “I have overcome,” not after He had risen from the dead, but right before going to his death! Jesus said, “I have overcome the world,” and then he was betrayed, and beaten and mocked and murdered. Mercilessly.

Jesus told his disciples to “take heart” and then he died. But instead of disproving his words, His death actually established them!

So when you think that love has died, you can take heart; Jesus has overcome the world! If you and your lover are both abiding in His love (and not your own), He can bring you together in marriage and hold you together through any trial. His love can bring understanding, repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation. And even if your lover gives up, Jesus can empower you to continue in love when it seems that all is lost.

Do you believe this? Then be at peace! Love is not something you lose. Love is someone who will never let you go.

Need more help in trusting God? If you’re convinced you need to resolve that relationship before you pursue a romantic relationship, PLEASE consider the first guidebook in the Beyond Sex & Salvation series. One of the three critical life lessons for relational success it covers is learning to trust God.

Date Night Advice (DNA) series: TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date
#1: To Find Love
Click here for the summary post of this entire series.

DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

Dug this weekend’s DNA? Be a good friend and share with your friends on the social media platform of choice: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, or Twitter.

The LoveEd discipleship series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE you fall in love!

It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.

Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.

Even better? And ask a rock star married couple you respect to lead it!

[originally published: 12/11/13]