Last week, I proffered a sample verbal invite and this week we’re going to dissect it.
Of course, few folks like dissecting things. Many find it interesting to watch on TV when you don’t have to actually get your hands messy and can even look away when you want. However…
In real life, surgery requires extensive preparation, skill, and effort. Sounds a bit like relationships, don’t it?
Sadly, most of us wind up doing all of our relational dissections postmortem. As Hugh Grant sang in Music and Lyrics, “Figuring out you and me is like doing a love autopsy. They could operate all day long and never figure out what went wrong.”
If you’re into “love autopsies,” stop reading now. On the other hand, if you prefer to keep your relationships, not only alive, but vibrant, READ ON!
Exploratory surgery is all about accurate diagnosis, so let’s put in the effort to see what we might learn from dissecting this date invite. We’ll take it line-by-line:
I’d like to ask you out for a date…
Or a court – whatever you want to call it. Just make sure you’re establishing this one-on-one event as something significant. If it’s not significant, then it’s not a date. It’s just hanging out.
…but I want you to know why.
What? Why?! Why what?!?! We’ve already deviated from the set Hollywood script, but this will get your potential date’s attention.
Even better, you’ll be answering the single most important question you can answer about any life endeavor: WHY?
However, to explain the reasoning behind your date invite, you’ll have to analyze the relationship ahead of time – aka dissect it. This reflection will go a LONG WAY to setting your dating life off on the right foot. Luke 14:25-33
I feel like I’ve gotten to know you pretty well over the last [insert number] months…
If you haven’t known this person for more than a month, I urge you to hold off on that first date. If they’re “the one” destined for you before the dawn of time, the first date can wait another couple months.
After all, the consummate love passage, 1 Corinthians 13, describes love first and foremost as “patient.” If it’s not patient it’s not love.
… and you’ve impressed me by…
This is where you want to share a couple specific character qualities, abilities, actions and/or ideas that have caught your attention.
- Are they surprisingly kind or courageous?
- Are they fun to listen to or quick to listen?
- Have they helped you accomplish a goal or solve a problem?
You don’t have to “tell all,” – and you shouldn’t. You don’t want to overwhelm them, but without any background, they may be left to assume you’re just physically attracted to them. And how shallow would that be? (smile)
Seriously, if you can’t think of anything beyond “You’re really pretty. And nice,” I don’t think you know this person well enough to date them. Speaking of, do you know the three things you should know about your date before you date?
I’ve been glad to call you a friend…
Is this true? Or have you only been getting to know this person because you knew from the start you wanted them to be your pet? I mean your precious. I mean… golum!
Seriously, though feigning the desire for friendship when all you really want is a make-out partner (or instant spouse) is called “bait-and-switch” dating and we talk about it in this LoveEd episode from the series, Stuff You Should Know Before You Date (B4UD8), on our FMUniversity YouTube channel:
Speaking of friends, make sure you talk to one or two of them before asking out “that special someone.” Nothing’s better for confidence in your “love life” than having great friends who know you and love you well (platonically) “in your corner” pulling for you and praying for you.
We’ll finish the rest of our exploratory surgery in the next post so keep on reading! But first, comment below with what made sense to you in this post and what did not.
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.
Even better? And ask a rock star married couple you respect to lead it!