When it comes to sex and marriage, just how important is the sex? Will it make or break your future marriage? The answer to that question should impact how you date and who you date.
How to Know If You’re Called to Marriage
Are you called to marriage? Ironically, this question is best answered by a biblical author who made it clear he was not called to marriage.
In 1 Corinthians 7:7, the Apostle Paul expressed the desire for all to live a life of celibate singleness like himself. In spite of his hopes, he knew most would not be able to join him on his crusade of sexlessness. Instead, in verses 8 and 9, he states the following:
To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. —1 Corinthians 7:8-9 ESV
So how does this passage identify who is called to celibacy and who is called to marriage? Put simply, Paul suggests your sex drive will tell you.
- Is sexual temptation not really a problem for you? You ought to seriously consider whether you might be called to celibacy.
- Is exercising self-control a continual struggle? You can safely assume you’re called to marriage.
Marriage Isn’t About Sex
Of course, Paul isn’t promoting marriage as the solution to your lust problem. Everyone must eventually learn to exercise self-control in all areas of temptation, including sexual temptation. Especially sexual temptation. This reality is why…
Marriage is the best reason to wait for sex, but sex is the worst reason to rush into marriage.
Because marriage isn’t about sex. It’s the other way around.
Sex is about marriage, and marriage is about relationship: first your relationship with your spouse and then your relationship with any children your marriage may bring to life. And all the while, God designed the marriage relationship to illustrate the supernatural relationships of both God the Father with His Son, and His Son with His church.
So we see that marriage wasn’t created to bless sex. Sex was created to bless marriage, as it represents and facilitates the oneness of marriage.
You Are Probably Called to Marriage
To be clear, you don’t have to possess a sex drive that’s off the chain, stuck in overdrive, and high on crack to know you’re called to marriage. You could simply long for that oneness: the companionship, the connection, the relational intimacy of marriage.
Could you be wrong? Could you think your sex drive or your marital longings are telling you you’re supposed to be married, when, for whatever reason, God intends for you to embrace a life of celibacy?
It is possible, but based on Paul’s words, I don’t think God could blame you for guessing wrong. Paul certainly wouldn’t, as he stated flatly earlier in his letter:
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. —1 Corinthians 7:2 ESV
If you would like an entire book filled with the kind of practical, Biblical wisdom on sex, dating, and relationships you just finished reading, you can get it NOW! The above post is an excerpt from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. Here are other excerpts from the same book.
A dating life that leads to a life-giving, lifelong marriage doesn’t happen by accident. You need to know what you’re doing.
That’s why I wrote Date Like You Know What You’re Doing to empower you to:
- Discern God’s will for your dating life.
- Avoid heartbreak, rejection, and regret.
- Date with confidence and clarity.
- Win the war over sexual temptation.
- Let your marriage hopes inspire, instead of impede your dating life.
Want to Learn How to Control Your Sex Drive?
Better understand your sexuality and how to effectively pursue sexual purity in video form! This video featured on our FMUniversity YouTube channel introduces several different LoveEd series on sexuality.
