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In his latest book, pastor/author, Sam Allberry, poses the question: Why does God care who I sleep with?

Has that thought occurred to you?

It’s a question the masses are asking. Including the masses who attend mass. As well as those who go to Protestant churches.

Indeed, 27% of evangelicals (age 20-49) support cohabitation. That is not a quarter of Christians who approve of couples merely sleeping together, but who approve of a living arrangement that normalizes and celebrates sleeping together.

Allberry’s book-format allows for a far more thorough answer to the question, so I encourage you to check out his work.

However, for this post I wanted to have a little fun addressing this query from a different angle, and so I present here the TOP5 Fallacies about Why God Cares Who You Sleep With. It is a look at five popular, but FALSE perspectives behind why God wants to get all up in your bedroom when it comes to sex.

Fallacy #5: God believes sex is naughty.

This is the “God is the heavenly party-pooper” argument. It makes God the reason behind why we can’t have nice things. Or the reason why we can’t have the things we want, because God likes to label whatever we want as naughty. And then say we can’t have those things. However…

According to scripture, sex is not naughty. It’s quite the opposite. Sex is sacred.

It is not something we should worship, but sex is something we should honor.

After all, God created sex. And all God created is good. Including sex.

Yet, like all of His best creations, God made sex for a specific context and with a significant purpose.

The context: a life-long, monogamous, marital relationship

The purpose: a deeply intimate relational experience to symbolize, celebrate, and encourage the oneness of the marital union.

This is why God’s word gives us this injunction:

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. – Hebrews 13:4 (ESV)

So it was never sex that God deemed naughty, but sexual sin. Just like all sin.

In contrast romantic/sexual intimacy within the covenant of marriage gets an entire book dedicated to it’s celebration. So, no, God doesn’t care who you sleep with because He thinks sex is naughty.

Fallacy #4: God is just plain nosy.

This is the “God is that one old neighbor with nothing better to do than to butt into everyone’s else’s bizness” argument.

However, the God of the Bible is already completely aware of what’s going on in your world without sticking His holy nose in your sex life.

That is to say, He doesn’t have to be nosy. He just knows.

Indeed, if God is the Creator of all that is, then He is the source of all knowledge. And if this is so, He might even be a good source for truth about sex.

Consider these words of Paul to the believers in Rome:

Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became His counselor? Or who has first given to Him that it might be paid back to him again? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen. Romans 11:33-36 (NASB)

When it comes to the topic of sex, do you question the depth of the riches of both the wisdom and knowledge of God?

Should you?

Doesn’t God at least deserve a thorough understanding of what His word says about premarital sex, instead of being treated like the neighborhood busybody who should simply mind their own business?

So, no, God doesn’t care who you sleep with, because he’s nosy.

For an in-depth understanding of the Bible’s teaching on sex outside of marriage, check out this LoveEd series, Premarital Sex & the Scriptures, on our FMU YouTube channel.)

Fallacy #3: God is behind the times.

This is the “the Bible is out-dated” argument.

God is not “behind the times”

To the contrary, He is behind time. In other words, He created time, reigns over time, and exists throughout (and outside of) time. Why would a God like that give us a bunch of outdated rules by which to govern our sex drive?

Indeed, time was the first of God’s creative work; the context in which He chose to design all the content of the known universe. As He put it to His servant Job:

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements—surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?” Job 38:4-7

If we believe in a God like this, then why do we doubt the wisdom of the scriptural injunction to save sex for marriage?

Many times it’s simply because we disregard the wisdom of restraint. Yet any good father asks his children to wait for the appropriate level of maturity, experience, and responsibility necessary to enjoy certain privileges:

  • a bicycle
  • a car
  • a knife
  • a gun
  • fireworks
  • alcohol

Look at that list. Surely you are aware that far more people have been hurt by harmful sexual experiences than harmful experiences involving any of the above privileges. So…

When God asks us to wait for something good, He knows what He’s doing.

And when God asks us to keep a certain experience (like sex) inside a certain context (like marriage) it’s for our flourishing. Not because He doesn’t know what’s going on today.

He knew what was going on today, before your grandpappy was conceived. So, no, God doesn’t care who you sleep with, because He’s behind the times.

Fallacy #2: God is trying to control you.

This is the “God is just a big bully” argument.

We’re tempted to think this way, because many times those with authority or influence in our lives (from parents to the press to the president) will attempt to manipulate us into believing what they want us to believe and even attempt to intimidate us into doing what they want us to do.

However, here’s the 411: God is nothing like any other authority or influence in the world. He. Is. Sovereign.

If God wanted to control you, He would.

He wouldn’t attempt to control You. He would simply do so. And He wouldn’t need rules in a book to do it. No manipulation required.

Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, who formed you from the womb: “I am the Lord, who made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself, who frustrates the signs of liars and makes fools of diviners, who turns wise men back and makes their knowledge foolish.”Isaiah 44:24-25 (ESV)

Does a God like this need rules to hide behind?

No He doesn’t.

God gives us guidelines, not to limit our freedom, but to preserve our freedom! And that includes our sexual freedom.

He doesn’t want to control you, but instead wants you to learn to control yourself. So, no, God does not care who you sleep with, because He’s trying to control you.

Fallacy #1: God loves to see you suffer.

This is the “God doesn’t really love me” argument. Or in the words of Bruce in Bruce Almighty: “God is just a mean kid with a magnifying glass. And I’m the ant. He could fix my life in five minutes if He wanted to, but he’d rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm.”

However, if God loves to see you suffer, then why did Jesus suffer for you?

If God delights in our pain, why did He take it on Himself?

Scripture’s answer is clear. The Son took on the sin of the world (along with all the wrath of the Father against that sin), because of His great love for us.

Incidentally, this “God doesn’t really love me” argument is the same one every child makes when their parents discipline them. And Hebrews addresses this succinctly:

And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. – Hebrews 12:5-11 (ESV)

Is resisting sexual temptation easy?

No. In the moment “all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant.”

But we only make fighting temptation more difficult when we buy into the lie that God doesn’t want our best.

Actually, when we fall for that line, we make it almost impossible to resist.

God’s love compels Him not only to want, but to fight for our very best.

Learning to discipline our sex drive drive is a necessary battle if we are to become mature and complete.

And sexual self-control is something you will have to learn eventually. Better to learn before you’ve committed life-long fidelity to the love of your life, than trying to figure out how to tame the beast after marriage.

So, no, God does not care who you sleep with, because He loves to see you suffer.

God cares about who you sleep with, because He is for you! Trust Him!

For more help in the area of sexual purity, check out our Hot Topic resource page dedicated to the topic.

DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

Dug this weekend’s Date Night Advice (DNA)? Be a good friend and share with your friends on the social media platform of choice: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, or Twitter.

Want to grow beyond our DNA blog?

Our LoveEd discipleship series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to grow spiritually and date wisely, so you can marry well.

This discipleship series is NOT for couples, but for the wise individual who wants to prepare for their future marriage like a successful career: intentionally, intelligently and IN ADVANCE!

This discipleship series is NOT about dos and don’ts. It’s about learning the life lessons, mastering the life disciplines, and making the life decisions necessary for relational success.

[originally published: 11/11/15]